Classmate Stalking

Is one of your classmates not in class? Did they fail to tell you that they would be missing? Clearly, something happened, and you need to find out what it was, or at least speculate and start some rumors.

Your classmate is a recent law school grad, so the most likely case is they have been strung out on Adderall for the last four weeks, ran out of money when they maxed out their loans, and will now sleep for the next week. But there are other possibilities. They may be having a secret tryst with another classmate. If two of your friends miss the same day, that is almost certainly what is happening. You should tell everyone.

There are other possibilities. Perhaps they were hit by a commuter train. More likely, they were killed by their Adderall dealer. Less likely, they were assassinated or abducted by aliens. If its the latter, you can assume that they will be in class the next day. No self-respecting alien wants to waist its time studying some d-bag whining about the bar.