Be a Backseat @$$hole

Today is Professional Responsibility day. Since taking the MPRE, you are now familiar with the possible consequences of not realizing that: "You are a lawyer 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, whether performing personal or professional activities."

Great. No more stealing lunch money, not reporting things on taxes, ditching out on that $20,000 credit card bill, lying about your qualifications to impress people, or bullying people on the internet. What will you do with your free time now?

Answer: Bask vicariously in the achievements of non-attorney @$$holes.

Now, given the number of non-attorney @$$holes in the news lately, this leaves you with a multitude of styles from which to choose.

Here is my short list (but feel free to add more in the comments):

The Attention-Starved Political Pundit: plays on race, religion, gender, and political stereotypes in a desperate attempt to block out memories of being picked last for the kickball team in 1st grade.

The Over-Compensating Due to Insecurity Person: hates people without ever having met them, solely on the basis of an arbitrary fact (neutral facial expression, shoes, hair, shirt, etc.) in an effort to preempt any potential rejection.

The Social Classist: lived a socioeconomically privileged life and judges people who don't use Oxford Commas or own stocks.

The Compulsive Ranker: continually asks those around him whether they think he is better than so-and-so, often in un-rank-friendly fields such as music, visual arts, or human rights.

The Passive-Aggressive Email Sender: hides behind a computer while sending misleading emails to people in an effort to achieve hilarious results that make people feel guilty for laughing.