Kick Ass

Yup. It’s time. You can do this. Or you can’t, but you won’t know until November. And by then you won’t care. Well, you’ll care, but there won’t be anything you can do about then. Turns out there’s nothing you can do about it now either. Let’s face it - you haven’t looked at Workers’ Comp since the first day of BarBri and we’re going to have two essays about it tomorrow. Okay, one essay about that and one about a credit card company’s contract coming out of Delaware with a former NY resident now living in Connecticut. Whose usury laws do we follow? And when you go to your lawyer’s office, you leave the car in a garage. Is it a bailment? FUCK!

Now that you have six more subjects that you just remembered you need to study, I just want to relate a tale of my youth and wish you a good night. I have studied fairly adequately for the last few weeks. It reminds me of when I studied for my AP Bio exam in high school. I took the day before off. Our casebook had fifty chapters. A classmate and I reviewed forty-five of them. One was the introduction. Four others each comprised the basis of one of the questions on the AP Test. That’s my luck. And I’m taking the test with you tomorrow, at least if you’re in NY, or Thursday if you’re in MA, and that makes it your luck too. So get ready for the subjects I never studied (see earlier paragraph).

We’re not done posting, we’re just done posting until after the bar (or maybe until after the NY Essay day). Keep following us, and good luck. To at least however many of you will fail anyway. What’s the NY pass rate these days? I need some help – some of you have to fail.

And, if you’re a single guy reading this in a hotel, I bet there’s a single girl out there, just looking for a distraction from trusts. Go take advantage – without force, threat of force, or unconsciousness; that way it’s not a problem. Unless she’s younger than seventeen. What’s the mens rea requirement again?

Good night.

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

This is it, the last day before the bar. At least for those of us taking three days of exams. The rest of you can go to hell. Today is going to be great. You will be stressed out, still trying to study, getting everything ready for tomorrow (what can I put in my stupid plastic bag?), and many will be traveling. Good stuff.

At least you can look forward to tonight. You know, lying in a shitty hotel room, staring at the ceiling and trying to get to sleep. Looking at the clock every ten minutes and becoming even more stressed because you know you will be overtired. Crying. Thank you [insert state here] bar, you really are great. Good work protecting your guild.

If you are reading this, I wish you luck. You should really be working on Wills. Unless of course you totally understand how power of appointment fits with the RAP, the suspension rule, and whatever stupid reform statute your state has.

If you are not reading this, you will not read this.

One More Good Deed

A good deed is usually recorded, right?  Well, we're going to do a different kind of good deed - and this is in a race jurisdiction:

Thanks to our earlier efforts (and those of others) Jen Taylor is one of the five riders nominated to be on Boloco's virtual team. Boloco is currently donating 25 cents from every Cape Codder smoothie sold to a PMC fund. One of the five finalists will be chosen to receive, as a PMC donation, that money Boloco is raising. Details are here (if you live near a Boloco, go pick up a smoothie!): http://boloco.com/feedback/vote-for-your-favorite-pmc-rider/

Jen needs your help to win that sponsorship! Not only is this a great promotion that will raise more money for the Jimmy Fund and Dana-Farber, winning this sponsorship will help Team Sara G reach its $12,600 goal that much more quickly. Voting is easy! Just click on this link, then click on "LIKE" to vote for me! http://boloco.com/feedback/bragging/pan-mass-challenge-rider-jen-taylor/

(You have to be signed into a Facebook account to like the page. If you are not on Facebook, please send this to anyone you know who is!)

The contest ends on July 28. Please pass this along to anyone you know on Facebook - it's free, it takes 10 seconds, and it's the easiest way to support the PMC!

Guest Submission: Play A Prank on Fellow Bartakers

This is a guest submission from "WP4":

Here is a suggestion for a post. My friend and I took some time from studying to entertain ourselves. We are students studying for the Maryland exam. This is what we came up with.

I know, it's getting close to when we have to finally take this horrible exam. The hours go by slow and the days have become even longer. The monotonous studying has taken its toll on all of us. One thing that you can do to help pass the time or at least put that long forgotten smile back on your face (even if for just a moment) is to play a harmless yet funny prank on others who are studying for the bar.

Now this will require some characteristics that most law students do not possess. 1) A sense of humor, or at least what may appear to be a sense of humor, and 2) The mindset that 15 minutes wasted will not be the reason why you fail. Let's be honest, we are all going to fail for many other reasons. When you plot out your prank, it is best to plot against a friend or at least someone who does not hate you. This way they are less likely to jump up and strangle you. Also, you want to do the prank in the library, where there are a lot of people studying. Sure, the other people around will probably be annoyed. That just adds to the fun. There are few things better than seeing a crowd of law students get upset because someone or something has distracted them while studying.

The first prank that we pulled was a good ole surprise trust fall. If you don't know what they are, and you probably don't, because you have been too busy studying to keep up with the show Tosh.o, but nonetheless, the concept is in the name. Our buddy was in the library's computer lab watching a lecture on corporations given by Mr. Belding in preparation to take his NY bar.

The second took a little more planning and effort in order to execute. It was played out in a crowded area of the law library. The plotting is all laid out in the video itself. Law students can relate, because it is probably the most annoying thing that can happen in the library.

We have already caught some flack from other bar takers, but the response has been mostly positive. I think that people will ultimately enjoy the effort that you have put in to try and make others laugh, or just make yourself laugh. Either way, when the exam is over and you are living in your parents basement, jobless, twenty pounds heavier and swimming in school loan bills, at least you will be able to look back and know that you had some fun while preparing to the fail the bar.

Plan Your Post-Bar Celebration

If this is what life would be like until the end of your days, you'd have some serious decisions to make. Fortunately, it's not. Creeping ever closer is that mythical time known as "post-bar", in all its jobless glory.

You need to plan how you will welcome this glorious new world. There are a few things to keep in mind. First, your initial embrace of this post-bar world will invariably end with drunkenness, balckouts, generally stupidity, and probably a "nap" in a ditch or on a curb. Dress appropriately. Don't wear anything you would really hate to get red wine/champagne/dirt/puke on. You also probably still have a character & fitness review of some sort in your future. Try not to carry ID. And maybe consider trying to burn off your fingerprints.

You should also plan on where you will go for your initial drink. The places right next to the test site will be packed, and you probably won't be able to get your desperately-needed shots of tequila for a couple hours. But you also don't want to walk too far, because, well, walking takes time, and you will need some of the gods' sweet nectar to help you forget the horror.

Bringing some alcohol seems like a good solution. Unfortunately, the test sites do not seem to have places to leave necessary stuff like bottles of whiskey or champagne. You could wear a coat, and stuff a few flasks in it, but it's the middle of summer. If you are driving, you can leave lots of alcohol in the car. You could even sell some of it to fellow test-takers and make some money. DON'T DRIVE. That will almost certainly end in disaster. If you have any friends meeting you who are not taking the test, have them bring some stuff. Alcohol, your cell phone, maybe a change of clothes (be prepared). If all else fails, you can always include a bottle of "water" in your little plastic bag.

Your final step is determining what bar you will go to for your first group of drinks. If you have some alcohol, you should choose a bar that is within walking distance, but far enough from the test site that it will not be impossible to get a drink. Said bar should also be within walking distance of other establishments. Go with a group, even if that means sharing some of your alcohol on the walk. You will want to share the beginning of this glorious time with others. Try luring someone cute with your alcohol; it probably won't work, but what the hell.

I know you are tempted to continue planning. You won't stay at one bar the entire night. Why not also plan on a club for later in the night? And get reservations at a restaurant? Fight this urge. Just have a bunch of drinks and shots, and let the night flow.

I know, you are an anal law student. You want to have everything planned. You find the thought of a spontaneous event terrifying, like most things that are fun. Do it anyway. For once in your life, don't be a boring, annoying, prick. An unplanned night is more likely to end up in prison, I know, but it is also more likely to result in a good story, good friends, and a good time.

Make Fun of Europeans

. . . because let's be honest, nobody likes an LLM.


There's been some crazy stuff happening on the other side of the pond recently.  Britain published another one of its crazy studies recently.  This one informs us that it turns out it's not safe to drive and listen to sports on the radio.  According to this story:

[R]eaction times were slowed by up to 20 percent when drivers were listening to sports, adding nearly 20 feet of additional stopping time for a car traveling 70 mph. . . .  “To put this into context, this increase in distance traveled is 10 per cent further than the additional stopping distance when driving with a blood alcohol level at the U.K. legal limit,” the report read. . . .  “At particularly tense times, such as penalty shootout, it may be safer to find a safe place to park and enjoy the action without risking an accident,” Dr. Nick Reed of the Transport Research Laboratory said.

Penalty shootouts are particularly tense?  And I can't fathom listening to sports like soccer on the radio.  I can just imagine it now.  "Smith kicks the ball to Michaelson.  Michaelson dribbles.  Oh, Green took it from Michaelson.  Green dribbles and kicks it down the field back toward Smith.  Smith takes it and kicks the ball to Michaelson.  Michaelson dribbles.  OH DEAR GOD, NOT AGAIN!  Green stole it from Michaelson."  STOP IT BREACHER!  ENOUGH!!  Thank you voice in head for making me stop. 

Also in England, and this an issue ripe for testing in a Crim question, a man killed his wife over a game.  And the game wasn't a round of "Let's Only Put It Half Way In" with the neighbor.  No, it was bridge.  Here's the story:

A British man murdered his wife after constant arguments about her ability to play bridge, a court heard Tuesday. Stephen Green, 52, is accused of stabbing his wife Carole to death in January, after fights about her card playing.  Carole Green's body was discovered at the couple's home three days after the prosecution claims she was killed by her husband.  She suffered about 100 injuries to her upper body and neck.  Green, who denies murder, was found by police in the bath with cuts to his wrist and appeared "unfazed" when arrested.

Thank goodness he never got mad at his kid for screwing up while playing Uno. 

In France we're also reading fact patterns that might show up on the Test.  An AirFrance agent was held for stealing from passengers.  More details:

French police have arrested an Air France stewardess on suspicion of stealing thousands of euros in cash, cards and jewelry as passengers slept on long haul flights, a newspaper reported on Tuesday.  "Her bank accounts showed an absurd gap between her lifestyle and her declared income," the newspaper quoted a police investigator as saying.  Police launched an investigation in January after about $5,170 was stolen from five passengers. The robber took advantage of sleeping passengers, taking euros, yen, and Swiss francs as well as watches, jewels, credit cards and even cheque books. Since January, there have been about 140 thefts, the newspaper said. "The Japanese were ideal prey because they travel with lots of cash -- euros and yen -- instead of paying with credit cards," a police source said.

Ha, she even targeted the Japanese.  So here's the Essay Prompt: Whose law applies?

Curmudgeon Father Time Teaches Us All New York Law

For those of us that paid on time, we get everything we need to know for the NY day of the bar in nine hours today.  I wish I had never gone to class.  Really I do, although then I'd likely fail.

Our instructor is Leonard Lakin dressed in a white suit:

He kinda reminds me of a hybrid between Father Time and Andy Rooney

As always, if you have more, let us know in the comments or via e-mail.

So far, one guest addition, Carl Reiner in Ocean's Eleven - a personal favorite movie.

Plan and Dream

Are you ready? It’s almost here. No I’m not pregnant. I’m talking about the bar exam. Which is kind of like a baby, right? I’ve found that I’m really getting to the point where everything that I have to do that isn’t bar related (with the exception of my Sunday softball game, Wednesday trivia, and periodic beers) is getting pushed off until some magical time in the future. I call that magical time: AUGUST.

Up to now, it’s been a distant thought, but it’s close, so what are you going to do in August? Like many of you, I’m taking the best vacation of my life. But that’s not what I’m talking about. There are things I have to do. For example, I haven’t read a book that wasn’t published by Aspen, Foundation Press, or West in three years. So I’m looking for books to read that have nothing to do with the law – please recommend. And I do one day want to read Grisham again, but not in AUGUST.

Got ideas? I want to hear them. It’s almost like I’ve forgotten what to do when I’m not studying. It's like a foreign concept. For the last 11 months it's felt like I never woke up without a to do list.

Upon completion of the bar, I know I’m going to partake of a beverage.  Maybe twelve.  It will be glorious.  I'll probably be drunk or hungover from the end of the bar through the end of August.  Then we'll see if the PTSD sets in or if I can make suicide jokes again and people will know I'm kidding instead of wondering if I'm serious.  (Please tell the voices to leave me alone).

Sobriety will eventually come.  At least for a few hours.  And that will be in AUGUST.  Maybe I'll watch television. (My DVR is exploding, anyone else?)  Maybe I'll watch movies.  Maybe I'll just watch the birds chirp and not think about whether they're wild animals trespassing on my land and my subsequent duty of care to invitees in "MultiState".  Maybe I'll even keep blogging (although probably not until SEPTEMBER - make sure to add this blog to your RSS catcher or Google Reader or whatever you use so that yo don't miss the new installments that arrive when we start writing again after the blog). 

This great "Tomorrow" will come soon.  But it won't come soon enough.  I have to get back to the flashcards - maybe those will start a nice bonfire in AUGUST.  Hmmmmmmmm.

Property on fire.  Fuck!  What are the elements of arson again?

Song of the Day

Ready?

Get Mocked by Your Loved Ones

As I mentioned in a previous post, you have loved ones. Your couch, your TV, that shitty pizza joint down the street, whatever ice cream is in your freezer. These are all the things you love.

Or at least you used to love them. Now many of these things have turned against you. The pizza place that you have eaten at every day for the last 6 weeks? Running out of choices, and the guy behind the counter clearly thinks you live a sad, horrible life. He's a 16 year old stoner. Along with the pizza, your freezer-ice cream has has added 17 pounds in the last two months. You weren't exactly Nicole Richie before that, either.

Remember how much you used to love your couch? You would spend hours in its loving embrace. When you were tired, it provided a spot to rest. When you were hungover, it would hold head. And it never got jealous of the TV. In fact, it was happy to support your love for the TV.

Ah, the TV. It used to provide such beautiful entertainment. Shitty daytime talk shows. Stupid sitcoms at night. Mid-90s movies starring Richard Gere, fleshed out with 7 minute commercial blocks. Random shows about animals. Random shows about virtually any life choice: chefs, fishermen, gold diggers, midgets, living in Jersey. All of them were there, and many made you feel better about your life choices.

Now the TV is your enemy. Every time you see it, you want to cry. It is sitting there, blank and lifeless. You know it is mocking you. Behind that black screen lies entertainment and sweet relief. And you see it every morning as you slowly make your way to whatever hell you go to when you study.

Finally, there is your bed. Your bed remained your ally the longest. It was there when you finally shut your computer down and wandered back home at night. You could crash into it, close your eyes, wipe your brain, and forget about the bar's terrible specter for a few hours. Finally, it happened. You knew it would, dreaded it, in fact, but it was bound to happen. You arrive at the bar site. You are late. You start taking your exam. The essay appears to make no sense, and the proctor keeps staring at you. Suddenly, you are being accused of cheating. The proctor is trying to take away your answer sheet; you are fighting backing, protesting your innocence. Everyone around you is staring. You seem to be short on clothes. And then you wake up. Bar nightmares. Damnit, even your bed has finally turned.

Slightly-less-distant binge drinking.

Set Up the Study Playlist

By now, you're probably on your third pandora account this month.  It's fine, just share that master playlist from one to the other, and you'll be okay.  But sometimes that magic pandora isn't going to do the BarBri trick.  Sometimes you need a playlist for the moment.  Today, I give that to you.

I had my pandora going, and it has its touch of country in there, and this song came up:

I had never heard it, but it felt right.  I shared it with Doodie and a few other friends.  Doodie preferred this one:

Of course there are other songs that should go on the BarBri studying playlist. I put the question out to Twitter. The most notable suggestion was this original, written just for BarBri just this year:

There are other suggestions we got on twitter, and those are posted below. If you have more, write them in the comments or e-mail them in and I'll post them.

Appropriate for DomRel:

Create an Exciting, Politically-Correct Drinking Game

You are now in the home stretch. Everything is a haze, and your body, brain, and acquaintances hate you even more than they did two months ago. But soon, you will be celebrating. You should be planning ahead.

Your post-bar experience will likely involve a lot of drinking. One great way to make the world's best activity even better is to play drinking games. Unfortunately, you have played all of them many, many times. They may be getting a little long in the tooth. It is time to invent a new one. Your new game should be relatively easy, allow you to make others drink, and be PC. It should be PC because the only "friends" you have left are fellow classmates from law school, and most law students are stuck-up, easily-offended bastards with no sense of humor.

Below is a drinking game example. It uses an older, non-drinking game, and adds drinking requirements. It really is that simple!

Dreidel, Improved by Gentiles & Alcohol

Use the basic, boring Dreidel rules. In addition to gaining or losing gelt, however, you also drink! The drinking rules are as follows:

• As the dreidel spins, the spinner selects another game member.
• If the the dreidel lands on gimel, the designated person drinks twice, if on hey, the designated person drinks once.
• If the dreidel lands on shin, the spinner drinks twice, if on nun, the spinner drinks once.
• If the spinner forgets to designate someone before the spin ends, they drink whatever the spin dictates.
• Players ante one piece of gelt before each spin; as the pot increases, so does the number of drinks the spinner or designee must take. Add one drink each time the pot increases by the number of players (so, if there are 4 players, add one drink when the pot reaches 8, another when it reaches 12, etc.).
• If a person spins a gimel when the pot exceeds a designated size (such as nine or more pieces of gelt), that person gets to make a rule (for example: if you use someone's first name, both you & that person must drink). The rules can affect only drinking, not the core of the game itself.
• You can make another player drink by putting two pieces of gelt into the pot.
• If you run out of gelt, and cannot ante, you must drink as the ante. If you spin a shin and cannot pay, you take an extra drink to cover the piece you are supposed to pay into the pot.
• You must make a good dreidel spin. If your first spin sucks, you get one retry, but you have to drink. If you fail again, you must drink and pass the dreidel, and everyone antes again. This happens a lot when playing with drunk goyim (gentiles, like the brilliant inventors of this game).
• There are a couple noteworthy minhagim (customs). If you have to take a second spin, it is known as taking a "jewigan". Also, everyone yells "hopa!" when someone lands on gimel, especially when there is enough gelt in the pot to make a rule.
  

Picture of the Day: Study Somewhere Else

We have a friend who left the east coast for the sunnier skies and bluer waters of California.  She sent us a picture of her studies.

Worst Beach Ever

I swear, if I come upon cards like that on my bar trip on some beach somewhere, I might not survive to find out if I passed. 

Start Thinking of Excuses

You probably haven't had to do this in a while, but it's time to start thinking of excuses, and here, "My dog ate my homework" isn't gonna cut it.  You have to plan now for November.  Most of your friends will be excited in November.  They'll still have 83 months until their jobs start, but that ramen will taste oh so good when they get the letter from the bar examiners beginning with the word "Congratulations."  They will have passed the bar.  But some of you, oh faithful readers, will have another opportunity to read a blog about things to do while studying for the bar.  You will have that opportunity because you have failed the bar exam.

Now, I hope you pass.  I really do.  Unless you fuck up the curve, in which case, I hope you fail.  But if you do fail, and some of you are bound to, you will have to find a way to explain it to your friends, family, and loved ones who you haven't seen for three years.  And now is the time to begin that process of answering the question: Why did you fail the bar?

Simply saying, "it's a hard test" or "we didn't actually learn the law in law school" isn't going to do the trick.  And you know why - it's because all of those classmates who also didn't "learn the law in law school" passed the "hard test."  So you have to start sowing the seeds now.  In the next nine days (yup!) fall off of your bike and hit your head.  If you pass, more power to you.  If not, hey - EXCUSE!

What else can you do?

• Lose a loved one.
• Suffer from alcohol poisoning (you might actually not get the sympathy you want from this).
• Break your writing hand.
• Develop a learning disability.  
• Get SARS.
• Get pregnant (does not apply to gentlemen).
• Set your home on fire.
• Get arrested (but remember to ask for your lawyer, you don't actually want to spend serious time in jail and if you're stupid enough to fail the bar, you're stupid enough to say something incriminating).
• Get someone else pregnant (does not apply to ladies).
• Get married.
• Draw pictures on your flashcards.
• Finally get that book published.

Got more?  Leave them in the comments.  But just between us, you really should start figuring some excuse out now.

Brainstorm Rules to Make Up on the Bar

Memorizing rules is tough. In fact, I am pretty sure it is impossible, and yet, Barbri keeps explaining that "you will get points for stating the rule." Thank you for that amazing bit of knowledge. If I know every single wills rule and when to apply, I will probably do well. A monkey could tell me that.

I do remember some good information the Barbri peeps gave out at some point. One of them said that if you aren't sure what the rule is, make it up; you may get points for applying your incorrect rule correctly. I like the sound of that. If I can't apply my own ruled correctly, well, I should have made up a better rule.

I think it is important to start thinking about these fake rules now, so you don't freeze up when you look at that first essay question, spot 87 issues and 132 possible issues, and have no idea whether the plaintiff performed a valid nail and mail.

Now, making up the actual rules now is probably not the best option. Because then you will have to memorize your rules. This will probably be easier than memorizing the tortured doctrines lawyers refer to law, but still not ideal. What you need are some general guidelines for coming up with good rules. Here are some suggestions:

1. Make your rules easy to apply. A 20-factor "rule" is not the way to go. Channel Scalia (dissenting Scalia, trying to make sure federal courts don't get deluged with all those stupid 1983 claims) and draw bright lines. Something like: In NY, if someone is killed, the person who stands to gain the highest pecuniary benefit from the victim's death is guilty of murder. See, easy to apply, especially when you combine it with your wills rule: the spouse gets everything. Combine the two, and make the wife guilty.

2. Make the rules short. You have a limited amount of time to write your bar answers. Don't waste them on long rules. You are making them up, keep them short.

3. Memorize a couple Latin phrases. Not legal ones, ones that the exam scorers will not know. Every good rule has some Latin. Here are two: ab asino lanam (it is impossible to get wool from an ass (even if it's really hairy?) or blood from a stone), meum cerebrum nocet (my brain hurts).

4. Remember where you are taking the bar. This is especially important if you are taking it in two different states. Don't say "in NY" on the Florida bar. It will make your made-up rule seem stupid.

Feel free to post other suggests in the comments.

Guest Submission: Do One Good Deed

This is a guest submission from "Biker Jen, Esq." an avid reader of the blog:

Good news, everyone! Now you can help raise some money to fight cancer – but for free! Law students (and lawyers) love free things. I’m Jen Taylor, the Associate Director of the First Year Writing and Advocacy Programs at BU Law (aka – the Moot Court Person). I’m riding in the Pan-Massachusetts Challenge for the fifth time this August. The ride is a two-day, 192-mile ride from Sturbridge to Provincetown; riders raise money for the Jimmy Fund and the Dana Farber Cancer Institute (a lot of money – this year’s goal is $31 million).

I have to raise $4200. My team (which isn’t so much a team as it is a trifecta) has to raise $12,600. Luckily, you can support my PMC ride without actually having to part with any money (save it for your post-bar bar-binge). Boloco is offering five riders a virtual sponsorship – the five nominees on Boloco’s Facebook page who can garner the largest number of “likes” by July 22nd will move on to the mysterious “Phase 2.” I don’t know what Phase 2 is, but I want in.

This takes two clicks: Go to http://www.facebook.com/Boloco?v=wall&story_fbid=447173082386. Click to Like Boloco, then click to Like the post. It’s not the most time-consuming thing to do during BarBri, but it’s all I’ve got. I really, really want to win. I want to obliterate the other nominees.

But Jen, what if I am lucky enough to have a job lined up, and I want something ELSE to do during BarBri? Well, good news! You can also donate some cash here: http://www.pmc.org/profile/TS0187.

But Jen, what if I am just deeply, profoundly bored and I’ve read everything on the Internet already? I can help! We have a blog. It’s pretty dull, but what else are you going to do? http://mattandjenpmc.wordpress.com/

Best of luck, bar-studiers. You’re in the home stretch, and it’s awful. But then it’s done.

Guest Submission: Dirty Donald Duck

Here's a guest submission from "MCB":

Today the NY BARBRI folks told us in all-but-explicit terms that if we find ourselves unable to sleep and in bed with our partner at 3AM the morning of the bar exam, that we should do the obvious thing: blow off some steam.

While it's probably not bad advice, it was somewhat strange and a little offputting to have it come from BARBRI. I cannot presently think of anything less sexy than filling in the blanks for four hours a day on some area of law that I will never again see. Anyhow, after a few more anecdotes, they turned the podium over to Roger Schechter for Domestic Relations.

Now, the first time I heard Schechter speak in his somewhat nasal voice, I couldn't help but think of Donald Duck. In my presently incapacitated state, listening to Donald Duck talk about domestic (specifically marital) relations and all of the colorful things therein, I had only one (NSFW) thought.

Think of Distant Binge Drinking

Every day is now a terrible struggle. You've stopped whatever sad attempts at exercise you had been making in June. Your diet consists of fast food, chips, and vending-machine cookies. Coffee consumes twice as much of your income as food, and only that half a box of red wine allowed you to get to sleep last night.

The bar is approaching. You can't remember anything you have been studying. There are over twenty different topics, and state distinctions everywhere. Damn our inefficient federal system. Damn those monopolists running the bar. Damn it all to hell. Why, you wonder (sort of, your brain is mush, and "wondering" takes a massive effort of will), am I expending all this effort on a terrible exam I will probably fail? As you struggle to remember NY Practice rules, you sink ever deeper into gloom.

Have hope, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Think of distant binge drinking. When you finally finish that exam, you are going to get shit-housed. Everyone will be happy, relieved, generally ecstatic. People will begin filing off to the nearest bar to begin drinking. Some may even have stashed some alcohol in their belongings. The night will snowball from there: happy hour, dinner, dancing. It will all be amazing. At least until you wake up the next day with a splitting headache and wondering where you are, then realizing you went home with that fugly you sat by in evidence 2nd year. Fight the good fight.

Watching Dom Rel is a Tort

We did this post after we took torts because, well, we didn't have this blog when BarBri started.  But, later one we looked Barbri Professor Roger Schechter:




And suggested watching French actor Jean Reno:


Type A-Minus suggested that you watch Ronin.

Have more suggestions?  Let us know.

Defend Unpopular Groups

There are lots of unpopular groups. Law students, for example. But here in America, we embrace diversity. Our beloved Constitution protects these groups. They can speak their views, assemble, and own guns.

Unpopular groups could use more support, however, because they are unpopular. You need to waste some time. Seems like a good match. Why not offer some suppor?. I wouldn't do something stupid like donate money. Even if it is government money, you don't have a lot of it, so keep it for your medication of choice (alcohol, Adderall, paint thinner, etc.). Unless you are a trust fund child, then donate away. D-bag.

First, you need to identify popular groups. Then think of the good things they have to offer. Finally, tell others! Here are a few groups that could use some love.

1. Rednecks. Rednecks get a bad rap. People think they are dirty, ignorant bigots. There are rumors of "kissing cousins" and bad teeth (not English bad, but bad). These things may be true, but that is not all there is to rednecks. Rednecks also do good things. Rednecks love their country, have strong family and community ties, and might be mining the coal that helps keep our planet nice and warm. Most importantly, rednecks are well-known for increasing America's meager alcohol production, lowering the costs for everyone. Now that's a contribution.

2. White Trash. There is a lot of crossover with number one, I know. There are some differences, however. White trash tends to live more in the Midwest. Their family ties are less strong, at least on the paternal side. And they have have some different contributions. White trash helps make your local Walmart the beautiful, exotic environment you know and love, and their trailer parks attract tornadoes, preserving wealthier city-dwellers. White trash also produce vast quantities of meth, for those times when Adderall and coffee just aren't doing the trick.

3. Hippies. Hippies are the mortal enemies of rednecks. The law tends to side with hippies when the two groups conflict, probably because rednecks would quickly wipe the hippies out if left to their own devices. Hippies are often maligned as lazy, stoned, trust-fund children. They do have some redeeming qualities, though. Hippies bring attention to silly, inconsequential causes that would otherwise get overlooked. More importantly, they make all the non-hippies around them look better dressed and more hygienic. Good stuff for those of us without a sense of style.

4. Crackheads. These poor people get a lot of shit. They get arrested, ripped off by dealers, and are generally distrusted by society at large. But does anyone remember to thank them for their comedic value? They get a lot of use: Dave Chappelle's Tyrone Biggums, Friday's Ezal, Howard Stern's Crackhead Bob. Such easy targets are hard to come by. We should all be thankful, cinema would be even worse without them.

5. Poles. No, not the wooden things that hold up sheds, people from Poland. Like crackheads, the Poles get a lot of grief, but little thanks for their contributions to comedy. Their country also offers a useful release when Germany and Russia start getting overpopulated.

6. Seal Clubbers. Another much-maligned group. Sealing clubbing is often use as an example of general terribleness. And yet, these clubbers provide delicious seal-meat to the starving masses of dirt-poor Norway, help clothe France's freezing near-homeless, and are an important source of bio-fuels. Most importantly, they provide gigabytes of inspiring images and videos of men braving extreme temperatures and vicious animals to conquer the cold reaches of the globe for humankind. Thank you Norway, Russia, Greenland, Namibia (What, Namibia? OoooK), and, of course, Canuckland.

7. Populists. Populists are people who loudly disagree with your strongly-held beliefs, but are nevertheless capable of garnering money, media attention, and votes. For example, baby-killers like Breacher and I think politicians who pander to pro-overpopulation supporters are populists. Similarly, corporate America's brainwashed drones think the health care communists are populists. And we all hate each other. But populists give voice to America's belligerent ideologues. This may be annoying, but the quiet ideologues are no cup of tea. Most importantly, populists give other populists a target to rant about. Think about that, without populists, populists would have no one to attack. Circular, you say? Don't try to attack me with your elitist, east-coast liberal mumbo-jumbo.

I am sure you can think of others. I realize the French are conspicuously missing; I couldn't think of anything good to say.

A Warning

Last week, we posted an idea for recouping some of your law school expenses. This involved using your Barbri pass. We would like to thank one of our avid readers at the Barbri offices for pointing out that "selling or leasing your BARBRI ID violates your BARBRI terms of use which you agreed to when you signed up." You should probably not follow our advice. Don't follow our previous advice; this advice is good. If you ignore this warning, don't try suing us when you fail your state's character and fitness requirements. We are judgment proof. Trust me, our combined liabilities FAR outweigh any assets we may have. And our federal loans get first dibs. You have been warned.

Mourn The Boss

We're going to jump off of an unconfirmed cliff today and announce the timely passing of George Steinbrenner. [EDIT: It's confirmed.]

According to some reports, he was 80 years old and had a massive heart.  So I'm going to say that he died.  I saw it on twitter too, and we all know how true that is.

Steinbrenner was a crappy owner.  This is well documented.  In recent years people have praised "The Boss" (not this Boss or this Boss), but for a long time he was well despised.  Some highlights:

• He fired Billy Martin five times - but in the end Billy won - he died first.  
• He was suspended from baseball, but somehow came back.  
• He fired Yogi Berra three weeks into a season and Yogi vowed never to return to Yankee Stadium so long as George owned the team.  He has since returned.  And Yankee Stadium is no longer standing.
• There's more I won't recount here.

Steinbrenner also did some good things like:

• Owned the Yankees while they won 7 world series and 11 pennants.

That's all.

Bye George, it's been fun knowing you.  Now the Yanks are going to wear a black armband for the rest of the season.

Federal Jurisdiction is no Corporation

This is a repost from our Corporations day, with minor changes.

We have Federal Jurisdiction with Richard Freer today:

This guy gives him one thumb up (albeit one very dead thumb up):

I think we can assume Ebert would also give Corporations a thumb up.

Backups suggested were:

Paula's Article 9 Characters

Paula Franzese gave us a cast of characters for Article 9.  I thought I would put up appropriate pictures.

AUPie - Attached Unperfected Creditor

or, from comments:

 
LC - Lien Creditor

PAC - Perfected Attached Creditor

NOCie - Non-Ordinary Course Buyer

or:
 
BIOC - Buyer In ordinary Course

GUC - General Unsecured Creditor

I can't post a picture of this without being called a racist.

A Few Guest Thoughts

Two guest thoughts today.


First, On twitter, we received a guest submission from "@ETLaw07." 
It pointed us to this BING video that can't be embedded here.  It's titled "Top 10 Strangest Laws of All Time."  and they're strange.


Second, via personal IM, a former classmate told me:
"I'm becoming more and more displeased with the way BarBri disrespects the Brooklyn Bridge."

Amen brother.

Paula's Back

This is a repost of our earlier Paula Franzese from back when we learned property.  I updated a little.

We already "learned" real property.  Today we're "focused on" Secured Transactions and Commercial Paper.  This woman is teaching it to us:

I wonder what collateral was required for this face:

Thanks to "Derick" for this one octomom:

Thanks to "Rabid Florida Fan" for this nanny:

I'll add in backups/runners up if you send 'em in.  And if you know why she uses the hand-held mic instead of the clip-on, please let us know.

Auction Off Your Barbri Pass

You haven't been to your Barbri class in quite some time. It's not that you're lazy, you just really like sleep and don't want to do stuff. I understand. As a bonus, when you start cramming the week before you fail the bar, you can watch all the videos online at 1.5x speed. This makes the lectures much more bearable. Like an incredibly debilitating migraine, rather than a full frontal lobotomy. And you can do it at home, pants optional.

You still have your Barbri pass, though. It is just sitting there, lonely and sad. Perhaps you should try to get it to a new owner, who will use it and take it for walks. There are people out there who might use it. They didn't get a firm job, and figured it wasn't worth paying $3500 to not attend a class. Silly them. Now, they are trying to learn domestic relations, and they are failing, and desperate. Guess what, there is still a Barbri class on domestic relations! You are going to watch it online.

Why not see if you can help one of those desperate people. Lend them your pass (for money). You can try posting it on Craigslist. If you are anti-Craigslist, you can also auction it off on ebay. There are 34 regular Barbri classes, which means each class should be worth about $100. You are also paying for some books, testing, etc., but still. Get some cash, son.

Guest Submission: Craig's List Redux - Finding A Soul Mate

We have posted about Craig's List before.  Today, however, we received a guest submission from "NS."

So I knew Craig's list offered a space for posting personals for
hookers and such, but did you know there was a link for "missed
connections"?  Just discovered it when a friend found a posting
directed at us, and I cannot now focus on the agency/partnership
lecture as I am dying reading these:

http://milwaukee.craigslist.org/mis/

you're. welcome.

Thank you NS.  Good luck with agency and partnership ("Make him liable.")

Some other relevant missed connection sites for our readers:

• Boston
• New York City
• Los Angeles
• Washington, DC
• Baltimore
• Chicago

Determine Why You Are Cursed

Today, you are sitting in a classroom watching a movie. It is not a good movie. In fact, it is painfully boring, filled with information that you will never use, because you will never have enough assets to make a will worthwhile. This afternoon, you will study some other annoying subject, and stress about how little you know. You did the same thing yesterday. While LeBron was telling the world on live television where he was going to make millions of dollars and nail groupies/strippers, you were looking at Civil Practice flashcards and crying. And what will you do this weekend? More goddamn flash cards.

God hates you. Or the gods hate you. Or you have angered the spirits. Or the Flying Spaghetti Monster hates you. Whatever. Somebody hates you. And not just your friends and family, somebody with power. You have been cursed. It is time to figure out why, in the hopes that you can correct it.

This may be difficult. First, you don't actually know which powerful being(s) you have angered. There are a lot of possibilities. Religious beings, old and new. Beings from religions that haven't been invented yet. The Matrix. You get the point. You simply cannot go through every possibility.

So you should try some generic things. Let's make a list:

1. Determine if you are a generally bad person. You know, murdering people, stealing kid's Halloween candy, clubbing baby seals, etc. Stop. Unless you really enjoy them.
   
2. Make a list of your annoying habits/traits. If I described what you are doing accurately, or you can see yourself doing this in the next few years, you have a lot. Then try to change these habits. I know, making self-improvement lists is annoying.
3. Stop saying things like goddamn. Blasphemy is bad.
4. Speak in tongues and play with snakes.
5. Sacrifice a goat. Unless you are already doing this for fun, then just take it seriously.
6. Cry. You are probably still cursed. Suckers.

Perform Creative Abortions

There are those that are pro-life/anti-choice and those that are pro-choice.  I fall into a different category.  I'm pro-abortion.  This world is overpopulated enough already, right?  As you know, we love lists.  So here is a list or step-by-step guide for creative ways to perform abortions.

7. Use Tools From Home Depot
Turns out you're pregnant.  Or your girlfriend/wife/friend's mother/friend's girlfriend/transgender dad/transgender boyfriend is pregnant.  Look around your house.  You're not going to find any effective tools.  That Hoover?  No it's too wide and flat to be effective.  What you need a specially made tool for the job.  You need the Dyson DC31 Animal Handheld Vacuum Cleaner.  Here's a picture:

6. Push the Lady Off the Roof
What?  That didn't work?  Or you were scared that the bagless system would leave too much of a mess?  You're probably correct.  What next?  Push the preggo off the roof, or if you're the lucky one yourself, jump off the roof:

5. Scare the Lady With a Horse

The fall didn't work?  That's fetus is a tough one.  Maybe mom isn't so tough.  This method cannot be performed by the mom-to-be by herself.  However, if you're lucky, maybe mom is like Ms. Mitchell of Mitchell v. Rochester Railway.  In that case, on April Fools day in 1891, Ms. Mitchell was standing at a street corner when a team of horses came running up at her.  She wasn't hit by the horses because they stopped with her head between the heads of the first two horses.  If she had been six inches to the right or left she would have been kissing mare [link NSFW].  

Why does this matter?

She testified that from fright and excitement caused by the approach and proximity of the team she became unconscious, and also that the result was a miscarriage and consequent illness. Medical testimony was given to the effect that the mental shock which she then received was sufficient to produce that result.

So get your horses ready and run them right up to her.  But, beware, she might be able to sue you for negligent infliction of emotional distress.  But not in New York if this case is still good law.

4. Jousting
If the horses don't do the trick you both still have options.  Don't worry.  Dad-to-be could punch her in the stomach, but this post is about creative methods of abortion, not typical ones.  Instead take her to Medieval Times and put her up on that horse.  Pay off the bad knight to joust her in the stomach.  Mom - don't block at all.  If the jousting stick thingie lance goes all the way through you're golden.  If she's wearing the pregnant lady's armor, you're screwed.  This is frustrating.

Don't do this:

3. Pray

This method is almost as effective as the pull-out and rhythm methods of birth control.  Which is probably how you got mixed up in this in the first place.  Good luck.  Maybe God will be on your side this time.  But probably not.

2. Flush the Baby Down the Toilet
All else has failed.  You're going to be a parent.  Congrats?  Not so much?  You should follow the lead of this twenty-two year old Indian woman who gave birth on an airplane.  According to news reports she tried to flush the baby down the toilet, its head got stuck, she went back to her seat, and nobody discovered the baby until the plane landed.  At that point they removed the toilet and baby from the plane and took her to the hospital.

I thought this was something new.  Turns out it isn't:

• March 2009
• April 2008
• August 2007
• November 2006 - this one was an "accident."

1. Abandon and Expose
So I guess there's still some chance that the child survived.  The doctors got to it in time.  If that happens, leave it by the side of the road, at a convent, in a dumpster, or with your mother-in-law.  You'll never see the kid again.  Maybe it'll be raised by wolves and end up taking over an empire one day.  Who knows?

Good luck!