Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Develop The Back Up Plan

I want you to think back to three years ago.  Three glorious years ago.  The economy was not in shambles.  The president was dumber than he is now.  We knew not of wise latinas.  And we still had years of using the fun "year" glasses on December 31. 

What else didn't you know?  The following terms: ex ante, mens rea, res ipsa loquiter, prima facie, consideration, etc.  No, I know that you knew "et cetera" before law school - I just meant . . . oh, never mind. 

But you were also full of hope and aspiration.  Jobs in biglaw were aplenty.  You might even have worked for a few years and thought of this as a decent investment - $150k over three years for a $160k per year salary instead of your measly $9 per hour and insignificant album sales.  For many of us, law was the backup plan. 

Well, those were the days, huh?  Clearly it's time for a new backup plan.  Medical school won't do - the BarBri lecturers keep telling me I'm bad at math - imagine how bad I actually am at scienceBusiness school?  That would buy (literally) a year or two, but probably won't actually make anything better.

No, we need to be more creative.

Spend class today looking for applications for jobs you are capable of doing and that might actually provide some career advancement.  How about these?


Investment Solicitor General

Creative Food Combination Expert

Something In The Movie Industry

Electrical Engineer

Make Toilet Paper
 
 These are all viable options.  If you have other ideas, share them in the comments.

Name Your Town

Yesterday I wrote about how I wanted to buy a town in New Zealand.  If I buy the town, I get to name it whatever I want, right?  Well @ETlaw07 sent us a link through twitter.  It informs us of the worst town names in the world.  Here's the list:

  • Whakapapa, New Zealand - where "wh" is pronounced "f"

  • Fucking, Austria

  • Disappointment, Kentucky

  • Shitterton, Dorset, England

  • Horneytown, North Carolina

  • Middelfart, Denmark

  • Toad Suck, Arkansas

  • Hell, Michigan

  • Hookersville, West Virginia

  • Whiskey Dick Mountain, Washington

  • Cockup, Cumbria, England

  • Bald Knob, Arkansas

  • Spread Eagle, Wisconsin

  • Wetwang, Yorkshire, England

  • Gravesend, Kent, England

  • Thong, Kent, England

  • Titty Hill, Sussex, England

  • Looneyville, Texas

  • Muff, Ireland

  • Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu, New Zealand

  • Twatt, Orkney, Shetland Islands, Scotland

  • Cockburn, Western Australia


  • So what would I name my town?  Well, I'd start with "Stuff To Do, BarBri."  But that's not creative.  I wonder if I could name my town like I would discover my porn star name.  Which would make it my first pet's name and the street I was born on?  Blackie Hicks.  Not bad.  Blackie Hicks, New Zealand. I could live with that. Leave other ideas in the comments.

    Remember to follow us on twitter and fan us on facebook

    Hit Your Head Against Your Desk

    I'm sitting here in class.  It was supposed to start at 9:30.  The DVD didn't work today so they're trying a workaround.  We should be bale to start by noon, right?  This is the most expensive $3000 movie I've ever seen. 

    So what do I want to do?  What these people are doing:











    Tuesday, June 29, 2010

    Buy an Abode

    Do you remember when you used to play MASH as a kid?  You would find out your entire future including whether you would live in a Mansion, Apartment, Shack, or House.  [Note to self: plan post on playing Law MASH.  If you, dear reader, wants to do it first, e-mail it in and we'll post it as a guest submission.]  Well, the time has come; you should spend some time in BarBri picking out your shack.

    Land prices are, after all, at an all time low, right?  According to Reuters (which means it must be true), there's a town in New Zealand on the market for approximately $715,000 (US).  You get all forty residents and the pub.  I like pubsMmmm.

    Now of course you could never get a mortgage now.  One of the things they look to is debt to income ratio.  Ha.  Remember your pre-debt days?  Yeah - you were still playing MASH then (callback). 

    Nonetheless, you should spend class planning ahead for the likely scenario that one day you will happen to come into some cash.  And check out the property listings - identify your dream house.

    Let's see what we have?  These all come from cities where our readers live.

    Let's start in Fayetteville, AR:
    This house is $4,000,000 - 6 Bed, 13 Bath.  Now that makes no sense to me.  Why do you need more than two bathrooms per bedroom?  Just in case a few get clogged?

    Next we go to Brooklyn, NY:
    This one is also $4,000,000 but has 5 Bed, 5 Bath.  Now that makes more sense.  And look - trees!

    Next is Ellicott City, MD:
    This place is just a drawing. I like drawings. But I don't think I'd want to live in a drawing. What kind of a crazy place is Ellicott City with those drawn houses? This drawing costs $540,000 and has 4 beds and 3 baths.

    Find your ideal house and write about it in the comments.  

    Watch New Harry Potter Trailer, Remember Equus

    The final installment(s), concluding the saga. Of course, this means that the trailer is stunning, even without music or the ability to understand what anyone is saying.

    After watching the trailer during class, I cannot help but recall Daniel Radcliffe's turn in the play Equus.


    And Daniel Radcliffe's impersonation of an 80-year-old man who couldn't find his eyebrow trimmers. (Apparently he stated that he will never trim them. Ever.)


    And Emma Watson's questionable fashion choices.


    Neither of which will be present when this movie finally comes out in November of this year. Neither of which are present in this eye-pleasing, cg-laden trailer.

    Five months left to save up for these (prescription capable) stealth 3D glasses:





    Buy a Laser, Give World's Deadliest Powerpoint Presentation

    (Credit to "Stu" for this idea)

    This project requires: 1) approximately $200; 2) the internet; 3) a desire to achieve world domination using powerpoint.

    Step 1: Use your bar loan or ask your parents to gather approximately $200.

    Step 2: Use approximately $200 and the internet to purchase the S3 Spyder Arctic Laser (pictured at right)

    Step 3: Make a powerpoint presentation that will appeal to the general populace, especially powerful CEOs and world leaders.

    Now, your average powerpoint presentation laser is less than a mere 1 mW - not world domination material. Not even close.

    The S3 above, is over 500 mW. Sure, the battery only lasts 30 seconds, and there may be civil or criminal consequences to using it in certain states, but if you are successful, none of those things will matter. There will be no rule of law. Only the law of the laser.

    Before you invite important world leaders to view your (deadly laser) powerpoint presentation, make sure that the world leaders or any interested terrorists will not have deadly portable lasers when attending. Buy the entire inventory to ensure your dominance.

    Sure, you feel guilty - you know that fascism and totalitarianism and violent uprisings harm innocent people, but yours will only last for 30 seconds, and afterwards you will use the laser for good and make the world a better place.

    Plus, in your plan, the threat of using the world's most powerful portable laser to give the world's deadliest powerpoint presentation will be enough (shock and awe!).

    It is vitally important that your first powerpoint slide contain the information necessary to shock and awe. Also, since we all know that good powerpoint presentations contain verbal statements that are not included on the slide itself, add the information in the parentheses verbally:

    1) "Class IV lasers can cause eye and skin burns and can set fire to materials. This is NOT a laser pointer. This is NOT a toy."

    2) "Even a fraction of the beam's original power can cause eye damage."

    3) "This laser can burn skin, especially at close range and with darker skin colors."

    4) "This laser can burn materials, especially at close range, with darker material colors, and with more easily combustible materials." (You are all wearing dark suits.)

    5) "Exposure to intense blue light can cause photochemical retinal degeneration."

    6) "The bright light from this laser can distract or temporarily flashblind pilots and drivers. This can happen even at great distances. (For a 1 watt laser, the beam can distract pilots up to 45 miles away.)" (Don't make me use this capability to destroy the world's transportation systems.)

    Ideally you will never have to actually use the laser itself. Remember, use the laser for good, not for evil.*

    *Don't use the laser to hurt any humans, including heads of state. Evil includes pretending that you are a character from any of the Star Wars movies.


    Old Stan Trivia Answered & New Animal Trivia

    A few days ago, I asked a trivia question about the states in the former USSR and the other "-stan" countries.  There were a few attempts in the comments.  Good job!

    The countries that constitute the former USSR are: Russia, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyztan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan (my favorite), Uzbekistan, Belarus, Moldova, Ukraine, Armenia, Azerbaijan, and Georgia.

    Of course, the other two stans are Afghanistan and Pakistan.

    So, now it's time for a new trivia question, and it's feline related.  Well, sort of.  It's about talking cartoon animals.  Name the characters in the following groups.  Leave them in the comments.

    Thundercats:
    Name the eight original Thundercats that left Thundera for third earth.

    Name the four villains that were mainly on the first season of the show.

    TMNT:
    Name the four teenage mutant ninja turtle and their master.

    Disney's Adventures of the Gummi Bears:
    Name the seven gummies that live in Gummi Glen.


    Good luck - leave answers in the comments.

    Get Inspired By BarBri

    As you all have undoubtedly noticed, I like YouTube.  You can kick back with a happy hour beer, turn on your computer, get sucked into YouTube portals, and end up watching old highlights from Thundercats at 3:00 in the morning.

    But there is a whole subgenre of YouTube videos that we need to explore today.  And those are the videos inspired by our very own bar review course: BarBri!!!  Here we go:

    Chuck Shonholtz Highlight reel:


    From 2008, NYU Law Revue's BarBri Girl:


    The Virginia Law Libel Show from 2005:


    A Dose of Reality:


    Alarm!:

    Monday, June 28, 2010

    Improve the English Language

    English is kind of a bastard language. Probably because the home island kept getting invaded: Romans, Saxons, Vikings; they even lost to a bunch of French. English now has words from all of these different language groups. This can make spelling difficult, but it also means English has a lot of flexibility.

    Americans have already greatly improved the English language, by showing you can speak it without sounding like a pansy. That is no reason to stop the improvement, though. English adds a lot of words. These often involve new technology, but also includes words from other languages. Especially Mexican.

    Despite this, more can be done. There are still some words that the English language lacks. My biggest gripe with English is "it". You see, "it" is not used to describe humans, even if you don't know a person's gender. Instead, we use "them", which doesn't make sense when talking about a single person.

    This annoys the hell out of me. We use both "it" and "them" (and their possessive forms) when talking about inanimate objects and animals, but only "them" when talking about people. Some examples. I tell the guy sitting next to me: "Get some use out of your douche-pad, and throw it at that classhole." I use "it" for a single inanimate object. I could also say: "Quick take these Adderall and hide them before the police get here." I use "them" for multiple inanimate objects. The same goes for multiple people: "Those people are ugly; get them the hell out of my club." But it is different for a single person. I cannot say: "That person looks ugly; don't let it in." I have to say: "Don't let them in." It is even worse in hypos: "Think of the perfect leader, what qualities would it have." Again, you have to say "they", or the much longer "he or she". Well, maybe this is a bad example, we all know the perfect leader is a man, but you get the idea.

    As you can probably see, I think the best solution is to just use "it" for people. But there is a lot of resistance to this. Some people may even find it offensive. So I think creating a new word is the way to go. I recommend "se", pronounced the same as "he" or "she". It is short, easy, and similar to its fellow pronouns. It can be changed to "ses" when you would use "his" or "hers" for a specific gender, the same way we change "it" to "its".

    This is a pet peeve of mine, but there are some other words that should be added. We love lists here at Stuff, so here is a non-exclusive one:

    1. Se: See above.

    2. Leen: n. This is a "legal teen". Someone who is still in ses teens, but who you can now legally take advantage of when drunk. In the majority of cases, this is 18-19, but apparently falls all the way to 16 in some states.

    3. Borance: n. This is a trance you go into when extremely bored. You may experience this when your significant other starts telling an incredibly boring and irrelevant story. In these cases, the borance usually ends when se asks a question, then gets mad when se realizes you have no idea what is going on. You can see a lot of borances in a Barbri class.

    4. Blark: v. This is when you block someone's attempt at a snarky comment. Ex.: "He totally blarked you. Snark denied."

    5. Twong: n. Technically wrong. This is the irrelevant triviality that a person you are arguing with, or some dbag who is listening, raises to try to negate the point you made. The irrelevant point makes your point twong, but doesn't actually help your opponent. You just have to change your wording a bit, and you can make the same point. In law school, this is sometimes called "fighting the hypo". Twong is much more efficient.

    6. Woops. n. When your really wet fart leaves something behind.

    Here are some more ideas. Comment if you have others.

    What about other languages, you ask? F that. Y'all should learn English.

    Get Your Guns and Porn

    This has been a big week for guns and porn - and it's only Monday!  And it's been a big week for us - we now have a dedicated facebook url: http://facebook.com/StuffToDoDuringBarBri - be our fan!

    The lawmakers in Washington decided a few cases today including McDonald which gives you the right to use a gun whenever you want anywhere.  It found murder laws unconstitutional.  Really.  Or something.  It won't be on the bar exam.  Right?  So go get your ammo because that's how the founders wanted it - organized militia be damned.  Not that I care about this issue.




    But it's also a good day for porn.  I have a friend who looks at porn on his "computer" during bar review (that's why he doesn't blog much anymore).  He visits mostly "dot coms."  But now, he can go to a new type of url "dot triple exes."  Or, "dot trix."  That's right, you can now get a .xxx domain name for your amateur porn.  And because it's bar review time, I hope your viewers enjoy watching you cry.  At least you'll have a second career if this law thing doesn't work out.

    Find the Newest Gizmos and Gadgets

    Mother's day and Father's day are behind us.  Christmas isn't for another few months.  I have no idea when your birthday is.  Let's assume it isn't coming up in the next few weeks, because let's be honest, that would suck.  Happy birthday - you don't get to go to a bar, you have to take a bar.  (HA!  I love those bar/bar jokes).

    So now is the perfect time to shop for yourself and to find those items that are all the rave.

    Imagine - you could buy Rock Band 2 today and spend the next four weeks on the tour of your life in your living room, and could finish the Endless Set List 2 just hours before the bar exam.  How much fun would that be?  (Answer - so much more fun than studying.)

    Or, if you're having a hard time getting out of bed, you could buy this gadget I saw discussed through our twitter account.  It's kind of like a StarWars alarm clock:


    Buy it on Amazon here - $35.

    Anyone have a car?  Not if you're studying in NYC.  But for the rest of us, that seat belt strap really hurts.  And teddy bears are cute.  You need this:


    Available for $20 here.

    Last week I blogged about how my finger hurts from writing.  I need one of these:

    They're available here for $3.

    Finally, you should make your own seltzer.  Because those $.79 bottles are out of my price range.
    Buy for $100 at Amazon.

    Pretend You're an Adult

    It's been at least 5 years since you were a teenager.  That officially makes you an adult.  Adults are not allowed to obsess over things associated with being a teenager.  

    Teenagers obsess over teen pop idols, videogames, other people's lives, making out, the prom, and vampires.




    If you're not ready to be an adult, or if you're nostalgic for your teenagerhood, you may still be able to obsess over these things if you place a thin veneer of sophistication over their surfaces.

    Here are some suggestions that might allow you to obsess in a socially acceptable way:

    1) teen pop idols

    Get your PhD in the study of teen pop idols or pop music



    2) videogames

    Form a Gamer Symphony Orchestra and hold concerts where you perform orchestral arrangements of your favorite video game songs while dressed in tuxedos.

    3) other people's lives

    Make a career out of your obsession and go to journalism school


    4) making out

    Become a sex advice columnist.

    5) the prom

    Write books for young adults (you are only doing research, right?).



    6) vampires

    Be a method character actor.  It's not kinky/strange live action roleplaying, it's preparation for your professional obligations.


    These options are but a few of many ways to prolong your adolescence while maintaining a professional occupation and being able to pay your rent in a way that is mildly socially acceptable.  If only I could think of a way to maintain my adolescence while attempting to become a licensed professional attorney . . . . 

    Former Majority Leader of Evidence

    Professor Vince Alexander is teaching us evidence:


    He kinda looks like a former Senate majority leader, no?


    Other thoughts?  Post them in the comments or e-mail them in and we'll add them to here.

    UPDATES:
    Thanks to Amy in the comments for suggesting TLJ:

    Friday, June 25, 2010

    Develop Parenting Skills

    Timely video:

    Learn How To Hold a Pen

    My hand hurts.  I wrote for three hours this morning and I'm starting to develop a dent on the left side of my right middle finger.  It's getting deeper and deeper and probably comes in two sizes: sharpie marker size (for the front of my index cards) and pen size (for the back of index cards, tests, and handouts).

    It's really important to have a good pen.  I am very specific with my pens and only use uniball vision elite, micro blue black ink.  It rolls nicely on the page and I don't have to press as hard.  There's something nice about a nice pen.  That being said, I've been writing more in the last few weeks than I have in years, and my hand hurts.  Especially that dent in my finger that's not going away.  Even though I don't have to write too hard, I think I do anyway.

    So what to do?  Turns out that there are websites devoted to this question.  Start with this one.  It has various pictures of hands holding pens and tells you which muscles to use to write.  This is clearly too complicated for me.  It suggests drills too.  I don't have time to do the MBE drills and the writing drills.  So this approach clearly is going to fail.

    Then there was this series of posts, where one commentator started with the following observation:
    Does it matter how one holds a cars steering wheel, or how you hold a sword or perhaps even a firearm? If you were having an operation would it matter how your surgeon held his / her scalpel? 
    I don't even know where to begin with that.  For starters, what are you doing with a sword?  OH!!  It was a British website.  They still fight dragons over there.

    Next I found that you hold a ping pong paddle like a pen.  Maybe.  But I don't think that makes sense for the bar exam.

    So google failed me.  Now I was off to the videos.  This one clearly was too infantile - and it describes how I do hold my pens. The only advice it offered was not to hold the pen so tightly. 



    So what's next?  Maybe I need to buy this product that is supposed to help you grip better. 

    Or maybe I should just give up and get a cotton ball or something for my finger.  Let me know in the comments.

    Guest Submission: Be Proud of Your Chosen Profession

    This link came to us from @KiaJD on Twitter.  Remember to follow us @BarBriStuffToDo.

    This website documents a real problem plaguing our profession, our communities, and our world.  Lawsuit Abuse dot org.  That's right.  You can read up on all the terrible harms caused by evil plaintiffs trying to make the world whole and get every freaking cent out of that scum bag defendant.  Enjoy and thanks for the guest submission!

    Engage in Group Behavior

    We probably won't be posting much today - it's a half NY exam instead of a lecture - and thus to take time out to blog would be rather unrealistic.  That being said, we didn't want to leave you high and dry.

    I'm going to be taking the half exam because everyone else is.  I received the questions two days ago but haven't looked at them - because nobody else did (probably not true).  And we'll all be better for it, because when we act as one, things are better.  We should strive for unityThe sum of the parts is greater than the whole.  The nine men on a baseball diamond are nothing alone - they are spectacular as one.  The two girls?  Irrelevant.  When they became one with the cup - ah, miraculous (NSFW, but if you click on that last link it's your own damn fault.  This is something you can't unsee.  I've still managed to avoid it.). 

    And what is the true image of the victory of unity?  This video is a guest submission from "Anthony The Rule Follower."  That's the name he gave himself.  I guess he likes rules.  I bet he made the nickname up.  (I bet he wouldn't bring food into the library either).

    Enjoy:

    Thursday, June 24, 2010

    Find a New Addiction

    You are a law student. This means you probably have been addicted to caffeine for years. You have also acquired a "taste" for Adderall. Ah, delicious Addie. Remember your first cup of coffee? I doubt it; you were probably a kid, and thought it tasted terrible. Instead, you probably started in college, like the rest of your generation, during the Great Starbucks Takeover. You do remember Addie, though. During first year, probably during first semester finals. If you are a true gunner, you might have started earlier, while trying to revise the rough draft of your first legal writing paper for the 17th time. It was great. Studying was suddenly so much easier. You could stay up all night, and actually get work done. And the siren song of those Law and Order reruns were muted.

    But that was over two years ago, and the thrill is gone. Now Addie is just another crutch you use to get through bar studying, and reminds you only of work. Terrible, boring work. Remember that person you dated for two years in college? You hooked up with them after a long dry spell, and just sort of kept at it. There was an initial buzz, but you quickly realized that you didn't find this person particularly attractive, and they had lots of annoying qualities. But life was easier when you could get laid semi-regularly, and you didn't really have any other options. That's kind of how you feel about Addie now.

    It is time for something new. One possibility is meth. Like caffeine and Adderall, it is an upper, and may keep you awake and focused. It seems like the next natural step. Maybe it is, but you should avoid it. It is time to start something new, and break away from those old habits that have always let you down. It is time to find something that doesn't help you work.

    It is time to get addicted to chewing tobacco. Never really thought about that one, did you? Well, you should. Chewing tobacco is purely recreational. It is also versatile. You can use it when drinking, studying, or even during Barbri. It will give a buzz, because, like the other upper-middle class elitists who dominate law school, you have never really used much tobacco. It is really addictive, but that's kind of the point. And, this girl probably find it attractive (Unfortunately, this is her type, and you are this.). Give it a try. All you need is a tin of tobacco, and an empty plastic bottle to spit in.

    Imagine how much your spitting would annoy your classmates!

    Be a Backseat @$$hole

    Today is Professional Responsibility day. Since taking the MPRE, you are now familiar with the possible consequences of not realizing that: "You are a lawyer 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, whether performing personal or professional activities."

    Great. No more stealing lunch money, not reporting things on taxes, ditching out on that $20,000 credit card bill, lying about your qualifications to impress people, or bullying people on the internet. What will you do with your free time now?

    Answer: Bask vicariously in the achievements of non-attorney @$$holes.

    Now, given the number of non-attorney @$$holes in the news lately, this leaves you with a multitude of styles from which to choose.

    Here is my short list (but feel free to add more in the comments):

    The Attention-Starved Political Pundit: plays on race, religion, gender, and political stereotypes in a desperate attempt to block out memories of being picked last for the kickball team in 1st grade.

    The Over-Compensating Due to Insecurity Person: hates people without ever having met them, solely on the basis of an arbitrary fact (neutral facial expression, shoes, hair, shirt, etc.) in an effort to preempt any potential rejection.

    The Social Classist: lived a socioeconomically privileged life and judges people who don't use Oxford Commas or own stocks.

    The Compulsive Ranker: continually asks those around him whether they think he is better than so-and-so, often in un-rank-friendly fields such as music, visual arts, or human rights.

    The Passive-Aggressive Email Sender: hides behind a computer while sending misleading emails to people in an effort to achieve hilarious results that make people feel guilty for laughing.

    Write The Perfect Ad


    Lawyer ads in New York are nothing new:


    But me learning the rules for lawyer ads in New York is something new.  And these are confusing and complicated.  Especially for solicitations.  So here's my question.  What's wrong with the following ad sent to someone I saw get hit by a car from my solo practitionership:
    I know that you asked us, Breacher, Spitzer, Obama, & Clinton, Inc., never to contact you again, but we will represent you and we promise that you'll win.  If you don't hire us, you'll need a lawyer to sue us for killing your child.  Our address is 123 Smith Street, Ye Olde New York, NY.  Sign and return the attached retainer.  This is not advice to be ignored.
    Post the problems in the comments.

    Ninja Ethics

    Today we're learning Ethics and Writing from Mr. Gillen:


    He reminds me of this ninja:

    If you have runners up, e-mail us and we'll post them. 

    We got a suggestion via e-mail - thank you!
    The commentator thought the lecturer "looked more like Bubba Sparxxx on the screen. Not so much in his pic there though. *shrug*"

    Watch Music Videos Without Sound

    I've recently learned about a new kind of music video that can be watched without sound.  This isn't what I was thinking about, although it is a music video that's worth watching with or without sound:


    Also (and I realize I'm probably a year late to the game on this one) I just learned about literal versions of music videos. These are to the tune of music we all know, that describe the video, literally as it's going on.  The ones that I've seen have subtitles - which make them perfect for class if you ______________ and ____________. 

    For those of you who were uncomfortable because you had no blanks to fill in for a while, the first is "forgot your headphones."  That's "forgot your headphones."  They have subtitles which make them perfect for class if you --- "for got your headphones" and if you "respect your classmates."  That's "respect, your, classmates."  Circle the "and" for me.  These are ideal if you both "forgot your headphones" and "respect your classmates."  If you fail either of those tests (and that's why you circled the and for me) you can watch these with the sound on your laptop on.  Understood?  Good.  Let's go onto the next fill in the blanks paragraph.  UGH.

    Anyway, here are some of the literal videos versions.  Sing along in your head as you watch.  The words should be on the screen.

    Meatloaf (my first concert - in seventh grade in 1994)

    Bonnie Tyler

    RHCP

    James Blunt

    Avril

    Find more on YouTube. Share the ones you like in the comments.

    Answer Trivia For Each According To His Ability

    Yesterday I posted the answer to the West Wing Trivia question.  I promised more trivia to keep the minds from focusing on professional responsibility.  C'mon - learning that is more of a liability than an asset.  If I'm ever a hiring partner at a firm that has a certain reputation, I will hire no student that gets above a 90 on the MPRE.  Who wants someone telling you what you can't do.  

    When I was in middle school, it was common knowledge that the biggest country in the world was the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics - the USSR - the motherland.  If we looked at a map, it was all one big color and had those four simple letters sprawled across it.  Well, it's been a long time since I bought a new globe, but the world has changed since I was in middle school.  And I'm not just talking about the eventual awareness and proper recognition of Lady Gaga and Hillary Duff

    So, your trivia question for the next few days is this.  It's two fold:
    1. According to various websites of ill repute, there are currently fifteen countries that used to comprise the USSR.  Name them.  
    2. There are seven countries whose names end in -"stan."  Name those.  Clearly there will be some overlap.
    As always, answer in the comments.

    I know you all care about the scoring.  So for this week's puzzle, you get 2.3 billion points for each correct answer.  And you get 3.3 billion for each correct answer if you get them all in both categories.  I hope you're keeping score at home, because I sure ain't keeping track here.  It's rather difficult when every guesser is "Anonymous." 

    As the bar review professors remind me often, "I know you came to law school because you didn't know how to do math."  That's a fairly incomprehensible statement.  For what it's worth, I came to law school because I did know something about numbers and could see that the one on my bank statement wasn't high enough.

    Wednesday, June 23, 2010

    Trivia Answer

    A few days ago I posted a trivia question based on the West Wing.  It asked you to name the first sixteen people that knew President Josiah Bartlett had multiple-sclerosis (which evidently makes him a bad person).  I think someone in the comments there got it - congrats.  You get a babillion points.  For those who didn't know it was:


    The First Family (5)
    The Original Doctors and Radiologists (6)
    The President's Brother John (1)
    VPOTUS John Hoynes
    COS Leo McGarry

    Chairman Admiral Percy Fitzwallace
    Dr. David Lee, the Anesthesiologist at GW when Bartlett was shot
    Toby, of course, was the seventeenth

    There is a bonus answer.  Charlie found out from Zoe at some point, but nobody knew this yet.  So he would be in the mix somewhere.  Plus 1 to your babillion if you knew that too. 

    I'm going to play real life trivia at a bar tonight.  We'll work on finding a suitable question for your enjoyment to be posted in the next few days. 

    Watch Some Tennis

    For those who are getting the blog in real enough time, there's currently an amazing insane tennis match going on.  Nicolas Mahut (French) is battling with John Isner (American) in the fifth set of their Wimbledon match.  Wimbledon doesn't have fifth set tiebreakers - they play until somebody wins by two games.  As I write this, the match is 35-35.  It's playing on ESPN3 (online) so go watch it there. Somebody's arm might fall off.  It's been going on for seven hours.

    UPDATE: As I'm sure you all know, this match never ended.  It will end tomorrow, and restarts no earlier than 10:30 east coast time (west of pond).  Watch during class.  And take comfort that these guys are like the gunners - they burn out early.

    Regret Losing Your Barbri Pass

    Step 1:  Show up to class, only to realize that you left your pass (hopefully) on your bedside table (your room is a mess).

    Step 2:  Get yelled at for not bringing your pass.

    Step 3:  Wonder how much it costs to replace a Barbri pass.

    Step 4:  Cry silently while taking notes.

    cat
    see more Lolcats and funny pictures

    Step 5:  Call home during break to ask your parents for money.

    Step 6:  Question your responsible adult status.

    Step 7:  Shop online.

     

    Make Fun of a Classmate's Choices


    Making fun of a classmate is always a good time. Like law school, a Barbri class has a lot of potential targets. You are in a room full of people who made bad choices. Attending law school, for example. But that's not a good target, because you made the same choice. And probably didn't exactly dominate, either.

    So you need to find something else. Maybe someone they slept with; or a recent purchase. Take the guy who sits next to me. I don't want to name names, so let's just call him MHouse. Actually, that's too obvious. Lets go with Mil.

    Mil recently purchased an ipad. It seems like a great product. It has all the limitations of an iphone, but it is too big to fit in a pocket. And it is not a phone. You can, however, use the ipad to read books. Like the science fiction novel Mil has recently been reading in class (Mil brings his laptop on days like today, so he can stream the World Cup). If you hang out with a lot of nerdy 7th graders, you would probably recognize the book. When asked, Mil mumbled something about it being cheap.

    The cheapest ipad is about $500. Books vary in price, but tend to cost about as much as a book. The ipad does give you a lot of street cred, at least if you live on a street full of hipsters. Unlike, say, a Dell, ipads are cool, because they are not produced by a big corporation. Well, they are, but it is run by an annoying megalomaniac, whose cult of personality is second only to The Great Leader's. And Apple products allow teens and twenty-somethings to show that they are unique, just like all their friends. Now that is will worth few hundred dollars.

    Try Out For A Gameshow

    Yesterday, instead of going to class, I went down to the great New York City to audition for a game show.  I won't say what game show it is here in an effort to limit search terms in case they don't want me talking about the audition.  But it should be apparent.  If it's not, I hope you're taking the Mass and NY bars.

    I applied online to try out for this game show over a year ago.  I've always played this well from the couch.  So I figured I should at least apply.  One year later, last week, I got an e-mail inviting me to an audition in New York.  Why not?  I headed down to the city for the day and will eventually watch cruella sing her property songs later.  That's also why I wasn't blogging much yesterday.

    For those who are curious about how it worked, I got to the hotel conference room where the audition took place at about 2:00.  The audition was slated to begin at 2:30 and they asked us to get in 15 minutes early.  There was already a line when I arrived.  They brought us all into the presentation room where the audition took place.  They had rows of chairs lined up and a video projector in the front of the room.

    They sat us down and gave us applications.  While the fifty (or so) of us that were there filled out our applications, one of the talent scouts went around the room and put our names into a seating chart.  After we finished, we started by playing the game as a big group.  They would call on someone from the audience randomly and it would be that person's turn.  They wanted to see us playing the game.  Your turn continued until it would have ended on the show (you guessed wrong) or you got the full answer right.  If you did, you got a prize.  I now have a hat.

    After everyone had a turn, some two, they handed out a quiz.  We each got 16 difficult questions that were only partially filled in and had five minutes to complete as many as possible.  They took the quizzes out of the room and "deliberated."  When they came back into the room they said that they were going to call out some names and that if they called our name we would stay but if not that they thanked us for coming and hoped that we had a good time.  My name was the first name called.  There were sixteen names called in all.

    After everyone else left they took our head shots with a polaroid camera.  Then they had groups of four "play" the game.  They went through two of the show segments and then had us do an "introduction."  Four sets of Four played a simulated game.  Then they told us that they would mail us a letter within four weeks if we were going to be on the show, and if we didn't hear by then, we should assume that it didn't work out. 

    So that's where I stand.  We'll see if they write the congratulations letter.  I'll let you know if I hear.  If I don't hear by the bar then it's clearly a no go.  Nonetheless, it's a good story.

    Doodle Your Heart Out

    If you have hidden artistic talent, it will inevitably come out during those 20-minute long tangential (read: completely irrelevant) story times during which you zone out and desperately seek something with which to engage your mind. Your hand will creep over to the margins of your note pages and your pen will create something magical and 500 times more amusing than corny jokes told by law professors.

    LF has creative talent that she utilized often prior to attending law school. During Barbri, the margins of her handouts contain mini-comics like this one:

    This mini comic can also provide fodder for those Barbri listeners whose creative talents involve day dreaming, writing fiction, or dressing like Robin Hood. My personal forte happens to be imagining what fictional characters would be like if they were a actual humans, and then judging them based on what he's wearing.

    Upon first glance, this rendering of Robin Hood is what I imagine Robin Hood would be like if he were in law school. He's done stealing from the rich and giving to the poor - he's going into Biglaw and is looking for someone who wants a man for his money. Just look at his fancy pantaloons and his unnecessary carrying of a bow in his hand just to show what a successful biological mate he would be. His ego has, of course, been inflated by the public's devotion to him, as displayed by this artistic interpretation:


    He would, however, prefer to forget about this defamatory/slanderous/false lighted one:

    $50 says he embezzles from his law firm to feed his crack cocaine habit.


    Distract Your Classmates

    Remember undergrad when everyone could get As?  Or at least B+s?  Those days were fun, huh?

    Well those days ended three years ago when you quit your job (or graduated undergrad) and embarked on this silly journey called law school.  For these last three years, to do well, someone else had to do worse.  Isn't that a better reflection of life in general?  Maybe only for lawyers.  Gotta love the adversarial system.

    The bar also appears to be on some sort of a curve.  That means to do well, someone else has to fail.  The good news, at least, is that you're not going to be the only one failing (or that I'm not going to be the only one failing.)

    So how can you distract your classmates?  Start by sending them this link.  It will keep them occupied for hours.  You can effectively kill an entire BarBri class with this stupidity. 

    Of course you can always spike their drinks, leave thumbtacks on their chairs, put kick me signs on their backs, or play "music" really loudly while everyone comes into the classroom.  And if you're going to do any of these things to me, please give me a heads up at least.  And if you do it to someone else, let us know too.