WWHD?

I hope your post-bar life is going well and that you've had at least 2 and no more than 6 sober days since the bar exam.

My friend Doodie posted the following status this evening: "Courier New is a terrible font."  My guess is that he's writing an appellate brief (probably pro se) to some court with antiquated rules to acquire a writ of habeas corpus some hopeless result.

Of course, I replied, "Not as bad as 'Hitler New.'"  Then, because he was away from his computer and didn't respond to my stupid joke, I amended, "er, I mean Comic Sans."

But you know what?  It got me thinking.  If Hitler could use a font - which would it be?  Tell me in the comments.

I'm asking you: 

WWHD?

What Would Hitler Do?

Best Week of the Year

Oh, wow...it's Monday night the last week in July! It's time for the bar exam. And then it's time for exhausted binge drinking, the likes of which you've never experienced.

You've got one day more.

IT'S BAR EXAM WEEK!!!  YAYAYAYAY!!!

Sorry we didn't entertain you the way we entertained ourselves.  But, for words of inspiration, see our posts from our bar exam last year:

KICK ASS

by The Breacher

BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID

by Doodie

(and it's the best week because by the end of it you'll be done taking the bar exam for the first time)

Find Love...The Old Fashioned Way

Right about now you're starting to panic, huh?  The stress is creeping in.  You've covered all the MBE topics and can't remember the difference between assault the crime and battery the tort.  (Which reminds me . . . Q: What did the chef do when he was angry? A: He beat the eggs and whipped the cream. Q: What made him angry? A: Dinner wasn't ready.)  And you can't seem to find any way to get rid of that stress.

You know what you need.  A little bit of lovin'.  But not from another bar studier.  That's just asking for frustration and trouble.  No, you need to find somebody new (or figure out another type of battery).

And where better to find someone new than dating sites.  We're going to start with a warm up, before you actually get hurt.  Watch this video and decide who the most datable person is.  If you like men, find someone like him, if you don't, pick the person most like you. 

Let us know who you picked in the comments.

Get Talented (a.k.a. Alternate Career Plan B)

If the "Personal" section of your resume states that you like to play golf/tennis/other upper-class sport or to travel/study languages/photograph things/other non-life threatening activity, you should probably start developing a Plan B. You are boring and no one will remember you.

Dan Mink graduated from law school, passed the bar and went on to practice law. Unlike other attorneys, however, Dan devised a Plan B that would see him through these rough economic times. Dan got talented. Not underwater basket weaving talented - more like shooting guns, throwing knives and roping things talented. You know, talents that really stand out in the "Personal" section of a resume.

Take a boring attorney, throw a western hat, matching boots and western shirt on him and you get an attorney ready to represent a client in rural Texas. If that attorney can sing and has become a World Champion Whip Performer, World Champion Gunspinner, World Champion Knife Performer and Member of the International Knife Thrower's Hall of Fame, you get an attorney who's ready to play Vegas, baby. You get Dan Mink.

Now, add rhinestones to Dan Mink's outfit, and you get a well-received contestant on America's Got Talent! VOTE DAN!

Get Ready for this Jelly (a.k.a. Career Plan B)

Jello is traditionally associated with 1950s housewifery and Mormon potlucks in Utah, but its time to move Jello into the 2000s.

Step 1 - Make the jello - Jello itself is easy enough to make if you go the instant packet route. If you want to be more high-end about it you can make it from scratch and impress the ladies/dudes.

Buy or make a mold, boil some water, add gelatin and then add some other ingredients (sugar, fruits, etc.). Put it in the fridge to set and head to bar review class.

The hard part is making jello not boring. I suggest taking cues from the UK jellymongers duo Bompas & Parr:

a) Make jello from molds of historic buildings (St. Paul's above), Buckingham Palace or the Pyramids

b) That's not impressive enough? Make city- or country-scapes! (San Fran, the U.S.)

c) Make club-worthy jello (glow in the black lights - ow ow!)

d) Add alcohol (a la the Jello Mold Mistress of Brooklyn = rum - mojito, cinnamon schnapps - cherry bomb)

e) Go AVANT GARDE with your jelly, yo!

Step 2 - ???

Step 3 - Profit

It Could Be Worse

Right?

Guest Submission: It Is Never To Early For Sabotage

This is another in our Guest Submission series.  The author of this asked to remain anonymous, which I applaud.  I suggested we call her Ms. Slingshotter, because it's like being a gunner, but more biblical.  She suggested Ms. Hateriffic.  Both are apt.  She's taking the NY BarBri class.

Last week the Barbri student rep announced that some of the students were complaining about being distracted by their classmates' web surfing. I am constantly impressed by how low of an overhead BarBri has managed to keep, while still charging us an obscene amount of money. They don’t even have to pay an employee to go to the classes. Not to mention that their supervision entails a call from the office to check in if they think you’re falling behind on the paced program (those of you who have managed to keep up may not be aware of this, but I was certainly surprised). Unfortunately, the flaw in their plan is that the student rep fails to convey any measure of authority. My initial response to his pleas to keep the web surfing to a minimum was: “If you don’t like what I’m looking at, then quit looking at my screen. It has been three years and if you haven’t learned how to ignore your classmates' screens, or if it is beyond your ADD riddled mind, then get up and move.”

But recently I came up with a different strategy. Instead of helping each other concentrate it is officially time for sabotage! Someone has to fail this test and I would prefer if it weren’t me! Now, I would never actively ruin another student’s chances of passing, but passively? While you’re staring at my computer screen? Absolutely!! I’m just not that great of a person, I am a lawyer after all. I learned early on in my law school career, you don’t have out outrun the bear, just the other guy that way he gets eaten first. So if I can slow him down a bit, well hell, I’m not above it.

So what is my magical unavoidable sabotage material? BOOBS!

I learned long ago while shopping for a Victoria’s Secret Jacket (yes they sell clothing too) during 1L year. I saw a sale on lingerie and clicked without thinking. Suddenly, I could feel the eyes of every guy behind me immediately glued to my screen. It is just a fact, once boobs appear, most classmates cannot help themselves, especially if the alternative is a lecture on Agency by a professor who cant control his inflection.

My new game plan: during those stupid hypos that you inevitably don’t listen to, start bra shopping. Or start daydreaming about your post bar trip to California and start bathing suit shopping ASAP! Hell, if you really want to, leave the site up while filling in those stupid blanks. Suddenly no one knows what they are supposed to write and my chances of passing the NY bar will significantly improve. Thank me later ladies!

New Feature: Class Profile - Virgin Virginia Salad Dressing

The Virginia bar is screwy.  And before you get upset with me, rest assured, I know absolutely nothing about the Virginia bar exam.  Except that you had a day on creditor's rights.  That's screwy, and so is Virginia Law.

Today's lecture was by Professor Jody S. Kraus, and evidently was titled UCC Workshop, which isn't as bad as "creditor's rights" but isn't good either.

One of our twitter followers described Professor Kraus as "old man hot."  You know who else is "old man hot"?  Mr. Salad Dressing.

Now, I don't get to make these decisions all by myself.  Type A-Minus thought he was more of an ad executive type.

So I ask you...who is more right?  Me or Type A-Minus?  Let us know in the comments.  And if you disagree with both of us, let us know that too and we'll add your suggestions to the post.

EDIT:

OOHH, this is the Breacher again, at 11:43 (really, I need to go to bed and use my remote) but I know who I really meant (or also really meant).

This douche bag tried to take away Dr. House's pills in season three (or two? no I think it was three) AND he teaches creditors rights.

Ok, now it's time for bed.  Happy studying.

If you want your class profiled, let us know, and tell us who is teaching that day.  If you want to write a guest submission, do that too.  Either way, twitter us @BarBriStuffToDo or e-mail us at StuffToDoDuringBarBri@gmail.com.

Be That Which You Hate in the World

What was it that Gandhi said?  Be the change you wish to see in the world, or something?  Well, my advice for killing some time while studying for the bar exam is to do the opposite.  Be that which you hate in the world.

I'm doing it, and I'm not even studying for the bar exam any more.  I'm already a freaking lawyer. 

Let me tell you about it.  I was watching TV the other night using my trusty Comcast multi-device remote control.  That's the thing that you're using to hold down pile number 219 of flash cards when opening the windows on a windy day.  One day you'll get to use yours again for watching television, but not until the end of July.  I pushed the TV button on the top, the first step to set the sleep timer (yeah, I also get to sleep sometimes, it's one of the perks of not studying for the bar).  I hit one button, the Cable button flashes, and remote stops working on the TV.  Well, that's not what I want, I want the TV controls to work.  The remote, on the other hand, had a totally different idea. 

So there are a couple of rational solutions.  First, I knew that I got one TV click before the remote went back to working for the cable box only.  So I clicked the TV button, pushed one button on the remote that I needed, pushed the TV button again, pushed the next button I needed, etc. etc.  This only worked for one night.  The next night, I'm about to set the sleep timer, and I decide that I need to fix this stupid thing.  So what are the options?  I know!  I can throw it against the wall.  But that won't actually help.  Instead, I go search the vast interwebs.  After that didn't work, I found an online chat with my trusty Comcast tech support guy, Gandhi Jerome. 

What is the first thing tech support tells you to do?  You know the answer.  I usually know the answer.  If it was a computer, TV, router, cable box, or anything else that plugs in, I would have known the answer.  Turn it off and turn it back on again.  (If you don't click the links, that's called power cycling).  I do that with my phone ten times a day (but in all fairness, that's to see if the welfare office has called yet).  Well, stupid Breacher, I explain my problem, accept the false platitudes of this being his top priority, and, do as Sanjay Jerome says and take the batteries out of the remote, wait three seconds, and put them back in.  Of course it works.

I usually hate the ass holes that need help with the simplest technical repairs.  And I hate it more when tech support asks if I turned the damned device off and back on.  Which is why it infuriates me that I helped perpetuate this cycle of hate.  I am now a self-hating lawyer. 

And I have no excuse because I'm done studying for the bar.  I wished I lived like Gandhi, things sure were easier then. 

Incorporate "Representative Weiner" into Boring Hypotheticals

Okay, so right now you probably feel like punching yourself in the face to stay awake . . . or because you're a sadomasochist. (Whatever floats your boat, just don't date my future children and we're cool.)

Instead of resorting to physical violence, I recommend beating the dead horse that is Representative Weiner's horrible twitter PR mishap. What boring torts hypothetical wouldn't be made more interesting by the careful placement of the two words - "Representative Weiner" - into each and every sentence?

Sure, you're a mature almost legal professional with none of the juvenile interest in prurient matters that would make hearing the phrase "Representative Weiner" seem hilarious to you. I'll let you keep pretending that you don't still use "your mom" jokes in everyday conversations.

Penis.

Guest Submission: Reclaim Your Life

Hey folks - this is the first of the guest submissions.  This is brought to you by "MLU" MLU is taking BarBri for the Texas exam.  That's one of those crazy, three-dayers, right?  And MLU attended school in California.  Points for not taking that bar.  MLU has a blog.  Check it out at: http://mylegalunion.blogspot.com/

It's only week two of Barbri, but already, your life has been taken over. Consider yourself pwned. And then, next time you're sitting in class, consider these five ways to reclaim your life:

1. Arbitrarily unfriend a few Facebook friends. Talk about a power trip. Shelby - GOODBYE. Miriam - DELETE. Matt - POW POW. Who's in control now?! (Well, probably still Barbri, but it's a start.)

2. Wash your hands. Barbri may go all "Fifth Amendment taking" on your soul, but don't let it condemn your hygiene. Go ahead and wash your hands on that next ten-minute break. Maybe even use some soap. Live a little.

3. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, laugh at the professor's corny jokes. Don't do it. Just. Don't. Do. It. They're not even that funny. Okay, except for the one about Joan Rivers not being a natural person . . . and that other one about Bill Clinton's movie "Waiting to Inhale" . . .

4. When you find yourself analyzing real-life scenarios for possible claims - outside of class! - hit yourself in the head. Better yet, hit your funny bone against the nearest hard object. And don't ever do that out-of-class analysis ever again. It's not funny.

5. Start calling it "Barfbri." If you can't beat it, insult it. You'll feel better.


DO YOU WANT TO WRITE A GUEST SUBMISSION?  E-MAIL US AT StuffToDoDuringBarBri@gmail.com.

Get Your Shop On

For those of you taking the New York class, things are probably settling in nicely.  You're learning torts from the weirdo who doesn't use an outline - don't worry, that will make more sense once you've filled in the blanks in an outline.  Until you get to DomRel of course. 

So you're in class and you're taking notes furiously.  That's gonna stop.  It stopped for us.  We were so bored, we got on group gchat.  And someone said, "The website StuffToDoDuringBarBri.com should really exist."  This domain was free, so we went with that instead.  And never looked back.  Just fill in the blanks and you'll be fine.

Now you need to know what to do.  Your first instinct is correct.  Run up more debt.  Go shopping.  There are plenty of fun ways to buy things that might be useful while in class.  For starters, you're not going to cook again for the next two months.  So get a Groupon.  It will make you feel good about eating in fancy restaurants while saving $10 per meal.  That's something.  And if you haven't bought a Groupon before, you should totally sign up through that, or this, link.

But food's not the only thing.  You need something for the evenings.  Amazon has an adult section.  With some decent sales.  It's quite the way to de-stress.  Just don't break any laws - you still have to pass character and fitness. 

There's also clothing shopping.  While it appears that Brooks Brothers has the occasional sale and Jos. A. Bank occasionally doesn't, those stores are out of your league.  (For what it's worth, I'm as shocked that Jos. A. Bank is a clothing store as I am that Sneaker Deposit is a bank).  No, you need to wear clothing that fits your current status - and you can only find that on Craig's List.  You can get person items, paintball t-shirts, wedding dresses, and a whole lot more. 

You can also use Craig's List to find someone to share that amazon purchase with, after a nice night out using your groupon. 

BarBri sucks - live a little. 

Study Hard, Play Hard, and Write Blog Posts During Class

We, the writers of this blog, Type A-Minus, Doodie, and myself, the Breacher, have failed you.  And that's mostly because this blog has no billing code and/or will not get us a job.  We have not posted since February, and have not posted in earnest since the bar exam.  And that's mostly because now we need money in order to eat. 

Therefore, we are looking for a few good writers who can carry on the Stuff to do During BarBri tradition.  Start by sending us a guest posting via e-mail: stufftododuringbarbri@gmail.com.  We will post it.  If you show some commitment and send us one or two, we'll be in touch about getting you an account to post to the blog. 

What's in it for you?  Nothing.  Except the joy of having your posts read by the masses depressed J.D.'s studying for the bar exam.  And you'll have something to do during the mind-numbing lectures.  Send us a guest submission and we'll get you going.  If we get more than four, we'll figure out a way to pick among you.  But I doubt we will.

We won't stop posting; at least not more than we're already not posting.  But you'll definitely be the star of the show.  C'mon people - we all passed two bars while writing this blog, and have since vowed never to pass one again (without going in for a drink).  You can do it too. 

Oh, Hey - Look, It's Bar Exam Time

Across the country people are going to begin a process they already know.  It is a process they already know they cannot succeed at.  Or at least, didn't succeed at last time.

IT'S BAR EXAM DAY!!!  YAYAYAYAY!!!

Sorry we didn't entertain you the way we entertained ourselves.  But, for words of inspiration, see our posts from July:

KICK ASS

by The Breacher

 

BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID

by Doodie

(just change July references to February, and vice versa)

Use a Tactical Pen During Practice Exams

If you are taking the bar exam for the second, third, fourth, or fifth time, you're probably feeling frustrated. You need something to invigorate your studying and somehow imbue you with new skills and confidence. Enter the tactical pen.

You might remember tactical writing instruments from kindergarten disputes that got out of control and ended with ink or graphite bits lodged in someone's 6-year-old arm (news coverage of these events in Atlanta, Iowa, Indiana). Or maybe you had a young client who got tired of the legal advice he received from Yahoo! Answers and availed himself of your school's juvenile legal clinic. Maybe you even experienced a traumatic pencil- or pen-related injury as a child and have turned to the Facebook group, "People for the Prevention of Pencil Point Injuries," to cope.

I urge you to look beyond your past experiences and think about the future: the tactical writing instrument in YOUR HANDS . . .

during the bar exam. If Jason Bourne can do that much damage with a mere pen, think about how much damage you could do to commercial paper and civil procedure.

Just ask the makers of Tuff-Writer Tactical Pens:

"From Marines hunting terrorists in burning deserts, SAR expeditions in bone chilling mountains, SWAT officers executing high risk warrant service, EMTs functioning in extreme conditions, or a civilian working in a non-permissive environment. All of these special operations groups have something in common - they all require a pen that they can depend on. "

Consider the bar exam testing facility a "non-permissive environment."

Now, depending on your political views on tactical pen control, you might think that tactical pens should only be placed in the hands of trained experts.

Thankfully, these guys are here to help YOU become an expert in time for the exam!

The tactical pen can increase your fitness level, your self-confidence going into the exam and can even boost your positive impact on the world by donating to breast cancer (pink AND deadly)!

*Poster disclaims all liability for any untrained use of pink tactical pens against bar exam administrators.

Keep Track of Your Stuff

The February exam sucks.  My guess is that there are four categories of you people taking the February exam: (1) those who just graduated, mostly going to school part time; (2) those who took July, passed, and want to be licensed and a second, third, and/or fourth jurisdiction; (3) those who failed July and still want to be a lawyer OH SO BAD; and (4) those who missed the deadline to register in July and have been making excuses for the past few months but are now back in the legal saddle.

What most of you have in common is that you're working - either because you went to law school part time or because you need to wait tables because you're student loan bills are coming do.  And that means you're going to school and studying in addition to doing something else.  And that means you're going to lose stuff.  Don't.  There's nothing worse than writing out by hand 150 index cards describing the prima facie elements of every tort, along with exceptions, and leaving them for some homeless guy at the coffee shop.  Or taking a $50 cab ride back to the class location to pick up your keys that you left on the desk.  Or realizing that your prosthetic limbs aren't where you thought they were.

Well, there is one thing worse than all that.  Losing your pet snake on the train.  Like this lady:

The woman who says she lost her pet snake on the Red Line Thursday has turned to Craigslist in an effort to recover it.

In a post on the online classified ad site headed "penelope- lost snake (T-between park and andrew)" the woman wrote that her snake "is a very mellow snake- never hisses or bites and is very timid. she is a bit under 3 feet long with a brownish, almost pinkish paisley looking pattern on her back. she is 3 years old and i've had her since she was 5 days old. if you see her, if you find her- please call me . . .you will be rewarded and will also be a hero. please help!"

She included a phone number and an e-mail address. In an interview, the woman, who asked to be identified only by her first name, Melissa, said she is accustomed to taking Penelope everywhere, and was wearing her around her neck, concealed by a scarf, when she boarded the T Thursday.

She felt for Penelope at multiple points during her trip, she said, and first noticed her missing as she headed outbound on the Red Line in the late morning. MBTA employees helped her look in the car in which she was riding at JFK/UMass, where they held the train for a few minutes, and performed a more exhaustive search at the Braintree terminus, walking through each of the six train cars and looking under the seats.

Melissa said she considered the search cursory. "For about 20 minutes or so they looked, and they couldn't see her, but they don't realize that no matter how thick she was, she can get into really small places or often under things. You can't really tell. She's related to a ground boa, so she's not likely to climb very high."

She said Penelope belongs to a species known as Dumeril's boa.

"Snakes can get lost in the strangest and smallest places for a very long time before they come out," she said. "The transit authority, they originally asked me if I was hallucinating and if I was on drugs, because I was really frantic looking for her." She said the snake was her and her husband's "dearest pet."

She said people should not be afraid if they encounter Penelope. "If they come across her in a train car, they don't have to be scared about picking her up. I know that people are really squeamish. She's never bitten anyone, she never hisses, she's not aggressive at all."

MBTA officials believe the trains are snake-free, and that passengers should not be concerned, spokesman Joe Pesaturo said.

Quoted from http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2011/01/woman_seeks_hel.html
 
For crying out loud, keep track of your shit. And don't ask for help looking for it from Craig's List.  I can't wait for Mr. Samuel L. Jackson's new sequel: Boa's on a Train!

Life Sucks ... For You!

Hello February 2011 Bar Exam Takers.  I'm sorry that you don't get a January or February this year.  I'm also sorry that you probably didn't get a "2010 5771 holiday season" either.  I'm also really sorry for 80% of you that you already failed the bar exam once.

You're studying for the bar.  Which means your life sucks.  And we're here to help.  Because we already studied for and passed the bar.  And we're unemployed lawyers.  Which means our life doesn't suck as much as yours, although it still sucks a lot.  We just have ways to cope. 

We started this blog as four students sitting next to each other in a New York Exam BarBri class.  We all became proficient at filling in the blanks (a skill surprisingly irrelevant for actually passing the bar exam) and decided that we needed to do something else to occupy our time.  So we started this blog to figure out stuff to do during BarBri.  It should give you stuff to do during BarBri too.

Now we're three busy people (one dropped off the face of the earth and got an ipad) without any real motivation to do anything.  But we'll do our best to post when we can. 

If someone sends us a New York paced program for February, here, we'll do our best to make fun of your "teachers."  Also, if you get bored during class, and you know you will, feel free to e-mail in a guest submission of stuff to do during BarBri and we'll be sure to post it for you.  Follow us on twitter and fan us on facebook.  Hell, add us to your Google Reader subscription.  Spread the word, it'll make this miserable two-month experience a modicum less miserable.

Thanks and enjoy!!

Note to self: buy stock in index cards.