Guest Submission: It Is Never To Early For Sabotage

This is another in our Guest Submission series.  The author of this asked to remain anonymous, which I applaud.  I suggested we call her Ms. Slingshotter, because it's like being a gunner, but more biblical.  She suggested Ms. Hateriffic.  Both are apt.  She's taking the NY BarBri class.

Last week the Barbri student rep announced that some of the students were complaining about being distracted by their classmates' web surfing. I am constantly impressed by how low of an overhead BarBri has managed to keep, while still charging us an obscene amount of money. They don’t even have to pay an employee to go to the classes. Not to mention that their supervision entails a call from the office to check in if they think you’re falling behind on the paced program (those of you who have managed to keep up may not be aware of this, but I was certainly surprised). Unfortunately, the flaw in their plan is that the student rep fails to convey any measure of authority. My initial response to his pleas to keep the web surfing to a minimum was: “If you don’t like what I’m looking at, then quit looking at my screen. It has been three years and if you haven’t learned how to ignore your classmates' screens, or if it is beyond your ADD riddled mind, then get up and move.”

But recently I came up with a different strategy. Instead of helping each other concentrate it is officially time for sabotage! Someone has to fail this test and I would prefer if it weren’t me! Now, I would never actively ruin another student’s chances of passing, but passively? While you’re staring at my computer screen? Absolutely!! I’m just not that great of a person, I am a lawyer after all. I learned early on in my law school career, you don’t have out outrun the bear, just the other guy that way he gets eaten first. So if I can slow him down a bit, well hell, I’m not above it.

So what is my magical unavoidable sabotage material? BOOBS!

I learned long ago while shopping for a Victoria’s Secret Jacket (yes they sell clothing too) during 1L year. I saw a sale on lingerie and clicked without thinking. Suddenly, I could feel the eyes of every guy behind me immediately glued to my screen. It is just a fact, once boobs appear, most classmates cannot help themselves, especially if the alternative is a lecture on Agency by a professor who cant control his inflection.

My new game plan: during those stupid hypos that you inevitably don’t listen to, start bra shopping. Or start daydreaming about your post bar trip to California and start bathing suit shopping ASAP! Hell, if you really want to, leave the site up while filling in those stupid blanks. Suddenly no one knows what they are supposed to write and my chances of passing the NY bar will significantly improve. Thank me later ladies!