Attend a Redneck Wedding

As Breacher mentioned previously, Barbri is now finished. Luckily, most of us are not working: we are either deferred or jobless. I blame the Obama-Palin conspiracy for destroying American jobs and values so the terrorists and Chinese will win. Despite this political truth, we all still need stuff to do. Some of the suggestions we have already made can still be used, but there are now more possibilities. There are things you can do while jobless, broke, and living with your parents that you cannot do in a Barbri classroom. Change the channel, for example. Other things you can do in either setting, like be depressed. I am going to try to give some ideas for the former category, although I suspect the depression will show through at times.

Most of our readers are probably not rednecks. Law schools do a pretty good job of keeping out poor whites. Also poor Asians. I do not really count as a redneck, although I am certainly part of the larger category of white trash, of which rednecks are merely one sub-group. A couple examples of other sub-groups: trailer trash and door-to-door insurance salesmen in the Midwest. Also, that guy sitting across from me at the bar. What kind of loser goes to a dive bar at 11:00 AM?

My friend is a redneck: one of his many nicknames is "the raging redneck". He lives on a farm, shoots animals out of his windows and processes them in his garage, and loves Jim Beam and Lynyrd Skynyrd. He is a legend and a great man, and last month he got married.

There are a few things that every redneck wedding must have. Rednecks, obviously, and either the bride or groom must be one. Preferably both, which is often the case. There should also be lots of cheap beer and cheaper whiskey. And hopefully some deadly-dangerous homemade moonshine. My buddy's wedding was all outdoors, at his parents' farm. The groomsmen's dinner was homemade lasagna, made with venison (that's dead deer for you East Coast city dwellers). They held the ceremony in a nice little clearing, and had a buffet dinner in a huge, steel-sided shed, originally built to train horses. The main coarse of the dinner was pork, from two full hogs: one roasted on a spit, and the other buried with coals and allowed to slow cook. It was amazing.

There was a lot of drinking. We went through eight kegs of Natty Light, and numerous bottles of various hard liquors. Like most farms, this one is in the middle of nowhere. Now, this area of the country tolerates a fair amount of drinking and driving, but no one considers it ideal. One solution is sober drivers. This is a poor solution: it means someone has to stay sober, and then put up with a car full of drunk idiots firing guns out the windows and shit. It's very nerve-wracking, and the sober driver must be pretty drunk to deal with it.

But this was a redneck wedding, so there was a much better solution. Most rednecks own some kind of camper, whether it be their home or just something to sleep in when hunting (the former call the latter "high class"). So everyone just brought their campers, as well as a few tents, and spent the night. The only drawback to this is that most campers had 6-8 people in them, making the classic wedding-related one night stand difficult. But that's why God invented woods.

The moral is, if you've never been to a redneck wedding, find a redneck friend, and marry them off. Totally worth it.

PS: This girl gives a better description of a redneck wedding.