Find Love...The Old Fashioned Way

Right about now you're starting to panic, huh?  The stress is creeping in.  You've covered all the MBE topics and can't remember the difference between assault the crime and battery the tort.  (Which reminds me . . . Q: What did the chef do when he was angry? A: He beat the eggs and whipped the cream. Q: What made him angry? A: Dinner wasn't ready.)  And you can't seem to find any way to get rid of that stress.

You know what you need.  A little bit of lovin'.  But not from another bar studier.  That's just asking for frustration and trouble.  No, you need to find somebody new (or figure out another type of battery).

And where better to find someone new than dating sites.  We're going to start with a warm up, before you actually get hurt.  Watch this video and decide who the most datable person is.  If you like men, find someone like him, if you don't, pick the person most like you. 

Let us know who you picked in the comments.

Get Talented (a.k.a. Alternate Career Plan B)

If the "Personal" section of your resume states that you like to play golf/tennis/other upper-class sport or to travel/study languages/photograph things/other non-life threatening activity, you should probably start developing a Plan B. You are boring and no one will remember you.

Dan Mink graduated from law school, passed the bar and went on to practice law. Unlike other attorneys, however, Dan devised a Plan B that would see him through these rough economic times. Dan got talented. Not underwater basket weaving talented - more like shooting guns, throwing knives and roping things talented. You know, talents that really stand out in the "Personal" section of a resume.

Take a boring attorney, throw a western hat, matching boots and western shirt on him and you get an attorney ready to represent a client in rural Texas. If that attorney can sing and has become a World Champion Whip Performer, World Champion Gunspinner, World Champion Knife Performer and Member of the International Knife Thrower's Hall of Fame, you get an attorney who's ready to play Vegas, baby. You get Dan Mink.

Now, add rhinestones to Dan Mink's outfit, and you get a well-received contestant on America's Got Talent! VOTE DAN!

Get Ready for this Jelly (a.k.a. Career Plan B)

Jello is traditionally associated with 1950s housewifery and Mormon potlucks in Utah, but its time to move Jello into the 2000s.

Step 1 - Make the jello - Jello itself is easy enough to make if you go the instant packet route. If you want to be more high-end about it you can make it from scratch and impress the ladies/dudes.

Buy or make a mold, boil some water, add gelatin and then add some other ingredients (sugar, fruits, etc.). Put it in the fridge to set and head to bar review class.

The hard part is making jello not boring. I suggest taking cues from the UK jellymongers duo Bompas & Parr:

a) Make jello from molds of historic buildings (St. Paul's above), Buckingham Palace or the Pyramids

b) That's not impressive enough? Make city- or country-scapes! (San Fran, the U.S.)

c) Make club-worthy jello (glow in the black lights - ow ow!)

d) Add alcohol (a la the Jello Mold Mistress of Brooklyn = rum - mojito, cinnamon schnapps - cherry bomb)

e) Go AVANT GARDE with your jelly, yo!

Step 2 - ???

Step 3 - Profit

It Could Be Worse

Right?

Guest Submission: It Is Never To Early For Sabotage

This is another in our Guest Submission series.  The author of this asked to remain anonymous, which I applaud.  I suggested we call her Ms. Slingshotter, because it's like being a gunner, but more biblical.  She suggested Ms. Hateriffic.  Both are apt.  She's taking the NY BarBri class.

Last week the Barbri student rep announced that some of the students were complaining about being distracted by their classmates' web surfing. I am constantly impressed by how low of an overhead BarBri has managed to keep, while still charging us an obscene amount of money. They don’t even have to pay an employee to go to the classes. Not to mention that their supervision entails a call from the office to check in if they think you’re falling behind on the paced program (those of you who have managed to keep up may not be aware of this, but I was certainly surprised). Unfortunately, the flaw in their plan is that the student rep fails to convey any measure of authority. My initial response to his pleas to keep the web surfing to a minimum was: “If you don’t like what I’m looking at, then quit looking at my screen. It has been three years and if you haven’t learned how to ignore your classmates' screens, or if it is beyond your ADD riddled mind, then get up and move.”

But recently I came up with a different strategy. Instead of helping each other concentrate it is officially time for sabotage! Someone has to fail this test and I would prefer if it weren’t me! Now, I would never actively ruin another student’s chances of passing, but passively? While you’re staring at my computer screen? Absolutely!! I’m just not that great of a person, I am a lawyer after all. I learned early on in my law school career, you don’t have out outrun the bear, just the other guy that way he gets eaten first. So if I can slow him down a bit, well hell, I’m not above it.

So what is my magical unavoidable sabotage material? BOOBS!

I learned long ago while shopping for a Victoria’s Secret Jacket (yes they sell clothing too) during 1L year. I saw a sale on lingerie and clicked without thinking. Suddenly, I could feel the eyes of every guy behind me immediately glued to my screen. It is just a fact, once boobs appear, most classmates cannot help themselves, especially if the alternative is a lecture on Agency by a professor who cant control his inflection.

My new game plan: during those stupid hypos that you inevitably don’t listen to, start bra shopping. Or start daydreaming about your post bar trip to California and start bathing suit shopping ASAP! Hell, if you really want to, leave the site up while filling in those stupid blanks. Suddenly no one knows what they are supposed to write and my chances of passing the NY bar will significantly improve. Thank me later ladies!